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One of the biggest challenges I hear from HSPs is that they are “overly emotional” – first, of all, how can anyone be “overly emotional”? Humans just have emotions. Period. But what happens when we’re told that we’re emotional is that we learn, usually at a young age, that it’s not okay to show emotion,..so we begin to judge ourselves very harshly whenever we recognize we’re having an intense emotion.
This is why today I want to talk about how we think about and address our emotions. Here are the specifics of what we’ll cover:
- How Do Thoughts Influence Emotions?
- Why Do I Avoid My Emotions?
- What Strategies Can Help Me Regulate My Emotions?
- How Can I Embrace Emotional Vulnerability?
- Why is Acknowledging and Processing Emotions Important for My Mental Well-being?
Let’s dive in, shall we?
How Do Thoughts Influence Emotions?
What is the connection between thoughts and emotions?
Have you ever stopped to think about where your emotions come from? Well buckle up, because the answer is simple – our emotions come from our thoughts. The problem is that we cannot be conscious of all the thoughts that we have since we have so many in a day – my anxious and overthinker peeps can definitely testify to this!
Can changing my thoughts help regulate my emotions?
So what you’re telling me is that if I change my thoughts, I’ll feel better? Yes! And no. Changing your thoughts will absolutely help you feel better – studies done by positive psychologists and neuroscientists have shown us the importance of positivity. However, you’re still a human and your brain is not naturally wired for positivity.
However, it is a really good place to start. Start to bring awareness around how you talk to yourself and what thoughts you have about any given person or situation. Then start to notice what emotion that thought creates for you. This is important to understand as an HSP because in order to learn how to ride the emotional waves that we experience, we need to understand that not all of our thoughts are true or factual. Being able to differentiate between facts vs stories is crucial in understanding our emotions and learning how to
What are common thinking patterns that impact emotions?
Common thinking patterns that we face as highly sensitive individuals revolve so much around our self-worth, what’s right and acceptable vs what’s wrong and not socially acceptable.
Thought patterns that get in the way of us living the kind of magical lives we want may sound like facts to us, and to be fair, there is truth in there, but at the same time there are definitely layers of stories added which color things in a not so helpful way. Some common thoughts HSPs struggle with may be:
- It’s harder for me
- It’s not fair
- No one understands me
- I’m always the outcast
- I just wish I were normal
This list could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. As you went through those common thoughts, what emotions did you notice come up? Inadequacy? Dissatisfaction? Loneliness? Unwanted? Deficient? Insecurity? These are all common emotions I hear, and have felt, as an HSP due to the kinds of thoughts I mentioned. Start to recognize if you have similar thoughts and how they feel as this will give you insight into where your work is.
If you try to do this and feel any kind of resistance to looking at these thoughts and emotions, you’re not alone. This is why I want to talk about emotional avoidance.
Why Do I Avoid My Emotions?
What is emotional avoidance, and why do highly sensitive people tend to do it?
Emotions are the reason we do anything…or don’t do things for that matter. Emotions are the reasons for our actions and our inactions. This is where emotional avoidance comes into play. When we don’t like how we’re feeling, most people try to “fix” it because it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant or doesn’t seem appropriate. We want to feel good all the time, but the truth is we can’t, and no one does.
When we’re avoiding our emotions, we are not doing ourselves any favors. It’s like having a broken pipe in your basement that you just choose to ignore until you can’t. We often use things like food, entertainment, staying busy, and helping others as a way to stay distracted but it’s like putting a bandaid on a broken arm.
How does avoiding emotions affect my mental health?
Because we can feel our emotions so deeply and intensely, we are prone to more negative emotions and lower overall well-being. This stems from emotional avoidance. When we avoid it, we are telling our subconscious that we can’t handle the emotion or the situation at hand. This is a HUGE lie that our brain wants to believe in order to avoid. And it’s a slippery slope.
Our mental well-being is based on the construct that we are capable, healthy, and whole – just as we are. We are not broken or deficient. We don’t need to be good at everything. The right people will love and appreciate us, etc. But we can’t do the healing work we need to get into this headspace if we’re avoiding – whether it’s people, conversations, events, etc., again, because we’re really avoiding feeling certain emotions that we don’t necessarily like.
What are signs that I might be avoiding my emotions?
The most common thing I see within myself and with my clients is that there is a sense of resistance. Almost like a magnet being repelled. Let’s take a conversation with a friend about something they did that bothers you. You want to have a good friendship, you want to have a connection, there is a draw or desire to have a conversation about what happened; however, the idea of having that conversation feels REALLY uncomfortable and it’s easier to just not have it. That resistance, because of emotional discomfort, tells you that you’re closed off and is a simple way to tell if you’re avoiding an emotion.
When you recognize that resistance or closed-offness, try to identify the specific emotion you don’t want to feel. Part of learning to ride the emotional waves, and becoming more friendly with your emotions requires you to broaden your emotional vocabulary beyond the typical “good/bad/okay/uncomfortable/etc.”.
What Strategies Can Help Me Regulate My Emotions?
How can mindfulness practices help me manage my emotions?
One thing I find commonly in my HSPs who are major overthinkers is the struggle with mindfulness. When learning about emotions and how to better manage and regulate your emotions, mindfulness is a key step to increasing your overall well-being as an HSP. It requires you to slow down and suspend all the noise.
It’s when the noise is suspended, or at least not at the forefront of your mind, that you can listen to the messages that your emotions have to share with you.
What are grounding techniques, and how can they help during emotional distress?
The simplest grounding technique I can offer you, which you can do absolutely anywhere at any time (unless underwater) is breathing. Now, there are a lot of breathing techniques out there to help regulate your nervous system and emotions, but I like to keep things super simple. So here are three SUPER SIMPLE regulation techniques that basically tell your nervous system to cool its jets and calm the f down so you can access your more logical brain:
- Breathe in, and then exhale twice as long.
- Drop the jaw by yawning or laughing
- Rub your fingertips together and feel the ridges of your fingerprints
How can I find healthy outlets for expressing and processing my emotions?
If you’ve taken my element quiz and read through the e-book, this is where the element of FIRE comes in – it’s about creativity, passion, and action.
Emotional expression and creativity can look so many different ways so if you hear the word “creativity” and think of painting and you’re like “I’m not an artist”, don’t sweat it. Creativity can look like organizing a drawer, cleaning, shaking your body, dancing, creating digital art, humming or whistling a tune, exercising, etc. Find what actions feel good to you when you are feeling a heightened emotion and as you do that action, think of that emotion and notice what happens as you do – I think you’ll be surprised by what you experience.
How Can I Embrace Emotional Vulnerability?
What is emotional vulnerability?
Emotional vulnerability is your ability to own your emotions (without judgment of their existence – this does not mean you need to necessarily like them) and show your emotions to others. Vulnerability is what builds intimacy in any kind of relationship (romantic, friendship, work colleague, etc.). This doesn’t mean that everyone you meet gets the same level of vulnerability from you, but rather you choose who you want to share what with based on the kind of relationship you desire with the other person.
How can I build trust and create safe spaces for vulnerability?
It starts with creating it within yourself. Don’t confuse “safe” with “comfortable.” They are not the same. You can swim with sharks in a cage and be safe while still feeling really nervous/uncomfortable/anxious/scared/etc.
It’s important to acknowledge whatever emotion you have and then remind yourself that the emotion won’t kill you and that you can handle it (even if you don’t like it or don’t want it).
We like to think we can create safety for others, but they own their own safety. The best we can do is create it for ourselves, model it to others, and then continue to check in and use our HSP superpowers (and sometimes our spoken communication skills) to make sure the other person feels like they are getting what they need from us when together.
What are the benefits of embracing my authentic emotional experiences?
When we embrace our authentic emotional experience, we show others it’s safe to be emotional. That vulnerability creates and deepens connection. But it requires us to be vulnerable in the first place. This is why important for us as highly sensitive people to learn how to be okay with and, dare I say, appreciate our emotions – including the ones we don’t necessarily like. Emotions are information that helps inform us so we can make the best decisions for ourselves and our well-being.
Why is Acknowledging and Processing Emotions Important for My Mental Well-being?
How does emotional awareness contribute to mental well-being for highly sensitive people?
Oftentimes we villainize emotions we deem as negative or inappropriate. This tends to start a chain reaction of negative self-talk where we believe negative thoughts about ourselves which then fuels more emotions that we then continue to judge. The problem is when we make it personal and believe the stories and then use the emotions as evidence. It’s this chain reaction or spiral that tanks out mental health.
What is emotional intelligence, and how can I develop it?
Emotional intelligence can be a very broad term; however, to define it simply, it’s our awareness of our emotions and the role they play in our lives and of their influence on others’ lives. So how can we develop more of it? Start by broadening your emotional vocabulary. Tune in and understand what different emotions feel like in your body. Once you can identify them, it’s easier to allow them or process them.
When should I seek support for managing my emotions?
Seek support from a professional when you notice that your emotions are keeping you from doing or accomplishing things that you want. If you feel like you’re not able to perform regular daily functions like working, hygiene, etc. seek out a licensed therapist. If you can perform regular daily functions but still find yourself stuck in inaction, find a coach, like myself.
Let’s Wrap It Up
Mastering your emotions as a highly sensitive individual is not about suppressing or denying them, but rather understanding and embracing them as valuable aspects of your experience. By recognizing the connection between thoughts and emotions, acknowledging emotional avoidance, and implementing strategies for regulation and vulnerability, you can cultivate greater emotional resilience and well-being.
As we wrap up, keep in mind that seeking support is a brave choice, not a sign of weakness. Whether it’s through professional therapy or dedicated coaching, investing in your emotional well-being is a part of the empowerment journey we all need. Embrace your emotional experiences, implement the provided strategies, and remember that you are not alone.
Now Is Your Time
If you resonate with the insights shared in this post and are ready to embark on a journey of emotional mastery, I invite you to explore the My Sensitive Self program. Designed specifically for highly sensitive individuals like you, this 12-week program offers a blend of video modules, guided workbooks, and personalized coaching sessions to support you every step of the way. It’s time we stop hiding and start living – living a life of connection, fulfillment, adventure, and spaciousness. Together, I’ll help guide you so you can navigate the complexities of your emotions and cultivate a more authentic, connected, and fulfilling life.
Here is what a recent client had to say about the program:
“I have a more clear picture of how I react to certain situations and why. It’s all about emotions, feelings, boundaries and values.
I could finally identify why I was not acting. Once I identified this and understood the reasons behind I could use the [tools[ to work on the root cause.
I’m very surprised with the progress I’ve achieved during these months. Looking back in retrospect, it’s like my brain needed to wear glasses to see things more clearly, and now I do. Of course, it takes a bit to get used to these new glasses, but I can do more things with them than before. Now, I have the tools to better enjoy my life and pursue my goals.” — Oscar Dominguez
