What Is Your Insecurity Stopping You From Doing?

As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.

When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.

We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like:
● “I’m not good enough”
● “I can’t do that”
● “I’m not normal”
● “They know more than I do”
● “I don’t know what I’m doing”
● “Nobody cares about me”
● Etc.

Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.

Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).

We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from:
● going after that promotion
● making friends and/or meaningful relationships
● going after our dream job
● building the life we truly want for ourselves
● speaking up and stating our opinion
● etc.

What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?

What have they stopped you from being or becoming?

You are so much more capable than you realize.

You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…

…you just may need some help accessing it.

This is where I come in.

There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.

Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.

Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.

You’re one step away from changing your entire life.

I need your help and want your insight…

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.

Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.

I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:

  • Imposter syndrome
  • Social Anxiety
  • Fear of judgement and/or failure
  • Overthinking
  • Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
  • Fear or disappointing others
  • Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
  • Not living up to your own standards
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
  • FOMO
  • Feeling like you’re always a step behind
  • Perfectionism
  • People Pleasing
  • Thinking other people know better
  • Need for external validation or permission
  • Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
  • Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
  • Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
  • Etc.

Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:

THANK YOU!!!

Don’t Take Candy From Strangers

From a young age, we are taught what to believe.

We are given baselines and guidelines on how to conduct our lives and what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” behavior.

We don’t really question it…although we may sometimes test the boundaries.   

We create and adopt beliefs in order to protect ourselves and/or make sense of our world.

But a lot of the time, beliefs we have about the world or ourselves are actually misinterpretations based on gaps in our experience or knowledge.

They don’t actually protect us or help make our existence in the world better.

For example, as children, we were taught not to take candy from strangers.

However, we take candy and food from strangers all the time—trick-or-treating, store samples, free leftover food at work, etc.

The old belief of “don’t take candy/food from strangers” tells us we should not eat those things.

But I am not passing up Costco samples!! Yummy! And when you’re on a budget, free.99 is the best!

That old belief no longer serves to protect me in the same way it did when I was taught as a kid.

Because of how we have learned to program our brains, we continue to take information presented to us through the various stimuli of the world, and make incorrect assumptions and/or misinterpretations.  

Our lives don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all mold, so why do we try to make ourselves fit?

We go out into the world and our lives don’t look like what we imagined; so we think we suck and call ourselves a failure.

It’s becoming more and more apparent how harmful and painful this way of thinking really is.

What thoughts or beliefs do you have about yourself that aren’t helpful to you?

Most likely, the thought that came to mind when you read that question is rooted in societal programming.

I want to offer you that those thoughts that appear and sound like:

  • “You’re a mess”
  • “You have no worth”
  • “You’re not loveable”
  • “You’re different than others”
  • “Everyone else has their shit together, but you don’t”
  • “Someone else could do this better than you could”

are just the stranger and candy.

Yes, those are your thoughts; however, they are not your original thoughts—they are not WHO YOU ARE.

They are sentences you wrote in your programming and took on based on what you knew at the moment of programming—which is usually too young to have full context or knowledge.

Think of those kinds of thoughts as a stranger offering you a piece of poisoned candy.

They can’t be avoided, but you can say “no thanks, I’m good.” Or if you want to add some humor to it, “NOT TODAY SATAN!”

You don’t need to be any different to be loved or be worthy of the things you want.

You just have to be your true authentic self who is already 100% loveable and worthy.

Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror and into your own eyes—you will see magic.

Boundaries

What is a boundary and why should we set them?

Just like we have physical boundaries of our homes (walls, windows, doors, fences, etc.), we also can create emotional boundaries for ourselves and our relationships. Boundaries are something we put in place as a means of protection and empowerment. To set a boundary, you basically use an if/then statement. More to come on shortly. However, first, it’s important to know there are actually two kinds of boundaries at work in our world: non-verbal boundaries and verbal boundaries.

Non-verbal boundaries are…you guessed it, non-verbal and don’t need to be spoken aloud. This is typically something that is based on societal norms. For example, when you meet a new person, you don’t announce to them that if they slap you, then you will slap them back. It’s a societal norm that we don’t slap people. We don’t need to go around saying this to everyone we meet.

Verbal boundaries are boundaries that we need to speak out loud as it may not be obvious to everyone. An example of this would be, “if you come over without calling first, I may not be able to answer the door.” Some people always answer the door when they are home; but some people don’t unless they know someone is coming.

How to set a boundary

I like to teach how to set a boundary in three parts:
Request to change behavior
Boundary – stating what your boundary is
Consequence – what YOU will do or how YOU will react if your boundary is crossed or violated

For example, one of my personal boundaries is to not talk negatively about other people behind their backs. If I’m with a group of friends and they are talking negatively about someone or gossiping, I would say, “Hey, can we change the subject? I don’t want to talk negatively about people. If we don’t change the subject, that’s fine; but then I’ll just head out and do my own thing.”

Let’s break this example down into the three pieces:
Request – “Hey, can we change the subject?”
Boundary – “I don’t want to talk negatively about people.”
Consequence – “If we don’t change the subject…I’ll head out and do my own thing.”
Do you see how that all comes together?

How are boundaries different from manipulation?

I LOVE this question! Boundaries are often misunderstood and misused. One of the main ways to tell whether it’s a boundary or manipulation is the intent. It usually starts with a demand instead of a request. Boundaries come from a place of love and acceptance for yourself and the other person/relationship; whereas manipulation is trying to change someone else’s behavior in order to make you feel better or get something for your personal gain. Manipulation is about the other person doing something rather than YOU doing something.

An example of this would be “if you don’t clean the kitchen, then I won’t go to the party with you later.” It follows the if/then statement; but notice the intent–does this come from a place of love? No, it’s manipulating someone into doing something so you will feel better. It’s basically punishing them if they don’t do it your way. Don’t be this person. It’s not a pretty color on anybody.

How do you know whether it’s appropriate or not to set a boundary?

The following are the four things to observe and discern on whether you should set a boundary:
1. You have a clear and defined boundary for yourself that has been violated/crossed
2. The other person is unaware of your boundary
3. You feel the boundary needs to be restated for emphasis in order to have a better relationship
4. You are in a calm and loving place (never set a boundary from anger–remember, intent is HUGE)

Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Setting boundaries can be extremely difficult depending on your personality and the value you place on the relationship with the person you want to set a boundary with. The main reason it can be difficult is because we’re afraid of how the other person will feel or interpret our boundary. There is always a possibility of losing the relationship. I understand this can be scary, but at the end of the day, our emotional peace and self-love is what matters most. The main thing to remember is that you are setting the boundary from a place of love–for yourself, the other person, and the relationship.

Setting boundaries gives us the ability to create strong and genuine relationships with others. Boundaries empower us to create the kind of life that sets us up for success. If defining or setting boundaries is an area of your life that you struggle with, I can help. Please reach out or set-up a free call with me through my contact page. You don’t have to go through this journey alone.

Where The Hell Do Emotions Come From?

Why do we as humans yearn for the new house; the new relationship; or new job? Because of how we believe we will feel when we have it.

Today we’re going to talk about feelings and emotions—specifically where they come from and how to build awareness around them.

First, let’s talk about why emotions are important. In all my years of working in corporate America, I cannot tell you how many times I heard people tell each other how emotional they are and how they shouldn’t be in order to get the work done.

Here’s the thing, emotions are important because they literally drive every single action we take….or don’t take.

When we understand where emotions come from and how to create them, we can better learn how to manage and harness them to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish.

Let’s define what a feeling is – a feeling starts in the mind as a thought and becomes a vibration in the body.
This is different from a sensation, which is triggered by the body and then sends a signal to your brain.

Hunger for example, can fit into either category—both as a feeling and as a sensation. You can physically feel the sensation of hunger, where your stomach is growling because you need sustenance; but you can also feel hungry without any physical sensations (as a feeling)—emotional eaters like myself, you know what I’m talking about.


Most people believe things outside of themselves cause feelings. They believe feelings are involuntary and are caused by situations or other people: getting a speeding ticket, burning cookies 15 min before the bake sale, or the customer yelling at you for a mistake they actually made.

I want to take a moment to blow your mind… and let you know that none of those things are actually making you feel a certain way. Your thoughts actually create your feelings! WHA?

A LOT of people believe their feelings are what cause their thoughts. However, this just isn’t true. The reason they believe this is because they aren’t aware of their thoughts. We have an average of 60,000-90,000 thoughts a day and most of them run hidden in the background.

How would you feel if you got pulled over for a speeding ticket? Let’s say four separate people got pulled over. One gets frustrated, another defensive; another confused and one is ashamed. How can the same situation (aka getting pulled over for a speeding ticket) be the cause of all these different emotions? They can’t.

But what is different for each of them is what they thought about getting pulled over. Here are some examples of the feeling matched with their potential thought:
• Frustrated – “I don’t have time for this”
• Defensive – “I didn’t do anything wrong”
• Confused – “But I was going the posted speed limit”
• Ashamed – “I knew I shouldn’t have been going that fast”


There are four main ways we deal with our emotions: (1) Resist (2) React (3) Avoid (4) and Allow. Today we’re going to focus on the first three as they are common and the most problematic for people.

There is a part of our brain (actually two parts) called the Amygdalae [uh-mig-duh-lee] that help us regulate emotions. You may have heard of this part of the brain referred to as the primitive brain, lizard brain, or primal brain; and the association with our fight/flight/freeze responses. However, fight/flight/freeze only fall under one of the main three purposes of our amygdalae.

The three main purposes of our primal brain are:
(1) Protect us from/avoid pain
(2) Seek pleasure, and
(3) Conserve energy (aka be efficient)
We in the biz refer to this as the Motivational Triad.

The funny part about our primal brain is that it hasn’t really evolved since our caveman days. It can’t differentiate that physical danger and emotional danger are different. So it acts as if the possibility of being eaten by a sabretooth tiger back in the day is the same as a friend or spouse sneaking up and scaring us today in the present. Our amygdalae process these things the same when they are in-fact two different levels of “danger”.


Now that we know where emotions come from (our thoughts) and the way our brain regulates emotion, we can now build up our own awareness.

This is the first step to harnessing our emotions—building awareness. This helps us to use our emotions as information for us to consider; but don’t necessarily have to be acted upon. As our self-awareness grows, we learn to make our thoughts and emotions work for us rather than against us.

Let your emotions become triggers for you to switch into your conscious mind so you can make decisions and decide to take actions from a clean space rather than just reacting to the emotion from your primitive brain (aka Amygdalae).


If you are tired of waiting for the new house/car/relationships/job/whatever to feel better, shoot me a message and let’s chat, because you are only one thought and one emotion away to living a better life.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Listening to Yourself

Some say people who talk to themselves are crazy. I completely disagree. I think people who talk to themselves are smart. Why? Because this is how you get the opportunity to challenge unhelpful beliefs.

I’m not a huge fan of social media. It takes away time with the endless scroll. I love seeing what people are up to, but most of the time I’m so locked into the scroll of “what’s next” I don’t interact much. And I find myself having less and less desire to post.

But those who know about starting a business, social media networking can be a HUGE component to business strategy in providing value to customers ahead of time. For the last few weeks, I’ve been torn between two opposing concepts—being authentic and doing something even though it doesn’t feel good. I’m a fan of both those concepts, but it led me into a lot of decision fatigue.

I decided to bring the situation to one of my coaches to get coaching. The conversation led me to a few A-HA! moments:
(1) The path looks different for everyone (aka there really isn’t a right way to do something vs a wrong way);
(2) My focus needs to come back to my strengths;
(3) It’s not only important to talk to yourself but take the time to listen;
(4) I’m already doing a lot of things besides social media;
(5) I stopped trusting myself.

Because my focus was on finding the “right way” and how that went against my strengths, I wasn’t open to really listening to my own inner wisdom. Social Media isn’t my only platform to provide value to people—I have my podcast, this blog, one-on-one conversations, group meetups and coffee dates. Sure, there are things I can tweak to make better and ultimately create a bigger impact, but that doesn’t mean all of that work and connection has gone to waste.

After the coaching session, I sat and just listened at the thoughts running through my head. It was amazing to me how much more open my mind was to ideas and solutions. My self-talk became more positive, and I felt a spark reignite within myself as I remembered that I really can trust myself.

The next time you’re having a hard time making a decision or feel torn, I invite you to write out the thoughts going through your mind to get them out, and then taking a few minutes to listen—whether you believe it’s your higher self, Universe, or God(s) of your choosing—just listen. Listen with an open heart and see what thoughts start to run through your mind. Look for trends or patterns as they can give you even more insight as single thoughts turn into ideas, ideas turn into beliefs, and beliefs turn into results.

Do this without asking other people for their opinions or thoughts. Learn to trust yourself before you get results (this is what keeps you going), so that when you do get the desired result it’s just more evidence of that self-trust. It all starts with listening to yourself.