The Ultimate Paradox: The need for good and bad?

Something I have struggled with, and that I see my clients struggling with, is this fantasy that our personalities are all-or-nothing. What I mean by this is that we don’t want to allow ourselves to be complex multidimensional beings. Ex. We’re either always committed or we’re lazy and terrible. Who put this bullsh*t rule into play?

Especially this month as people focus on resolutions and goals for 2022, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others and believe they have it all figured out. The truth is, no one has it ‘all figured out.’ Even the people you compare yourself to or look up to are not in a constant mindset of successful or motivated thinking.

What I want to offer you is that sometimes you will feel motivated and like you’re going to crush your goals; other times you may feel tired or overwhelmed. One day you may feel excited; while the next you feel apathetic. I’m here to tell you THAT’S NORMAL!

Even if you feel lazy, apathetic, or [insert whatever negative emotion you want here], IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

You are separate from your thoughts.

I invite you to start looking at the beautiful paradox that you are. You as a human, encompass opposing characteristics and personality traits. Embrace ALL of them.

Exercise

List out all the characteristics, descriptors, and common emotions that make up your personality–for even more fun, write or overlay on a photo of yourself 😊. Below is my own personal example:

Saucy, Kind, Sarcastic, Caring, Selfish, Sassy, Calm, Compassionate, Empathetic, Recluse, Introvert, Docile, Excited, Curious, Riveted, Entertaining, Funny, Boring, Lazy, Driven, Ambitious, Moody, Careful, Sexual, Spiritual, Worldly, Creative, Gifted, Talented, Communicative, Introspective, Loving, Content, Unsatisfied, High Achiever, Integrity, Character, Genuine, Authentic, Supportive, Passionate, Confident, Good Listener, Overthinker, Homebody, Adventurous, Shy, Reserved, Flirtatious, Playful, Sacred, Empowered, Imaginative, Sentimental, Dramatic, Non-Chalant, Shameful, Tired, Invested, Meditative, TV Lover, Limited, Unlimited, Believer, Witchy, Optimist, Magical, Doubter, Guide, Super, Musical

How To Build Trust With Yourself

Do you trust yourself? Most people will answer YES to this question (especially when they feel good); however, their behavior tells a different story. Look at the commitments you make to yourself. Do you keep them? I’m not talking about big commitments I’m talking about the little things day-to-day—diet; exercise; getting up when the alarm goes off without snoozing; doing chores; making plans when you feel good but then cancelling them when the time arrives.

Each time we make a commitment, even mentally, and then don’t follow through, we are programming our brain that we cannot trust ourselves/we’re not the kind of person who follows through or commit. Why is this such a problem? If we teach ourselves that we cannot be trusted with our best interests, we start to seek validation and confirmation from outside of ourselves. It may seem innocent enough, but this starts when we are young. We are taught that someone else causes our feelings. We are taught that we cannot be sufficient by ourselves. We are taught that other people know better than we do. We are taught to give our power away to others.

But the reality is, we are responsible for all our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. We can choose not to take responsibility, but ultimately that just leads to a life of hopelessness and powerlessness. Imagine how your life would be different if you trusted yourself and took full responsibility for everything in your life? If everything was your fault, what would stay the same and what would change? What would you accomplish? What would you cut out?

When we trust ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives, we can literally create a full life where we can make anything we want to happen. I know this may sound too good to be true; but remember, not everyone wants to accomplish the same things. You get to decide for you. Here are a few things you can start doing right now to help you reprogram your brain so you can start trusting yourself again:

1. Make conscious choices
– It can be the smallest or mundane thing, such as brushing your teeth or having a glass of water. When you go to do it, remind yourself that you are making a conscious choice to do so and follow through.

2. Wake up on time
– Don’t hit the snooze button. Set the alarm at the time you want to get up, and then get up.

3. Remind yourself that at one time you wanted to do this
– We make plans and then the time comes, and we don’t want to do what we had planned. It’s totally normal. Sticking with the example of hitting the snooze button, remind yourself the night before that when the alarm goes off, you won’t want to get up but you’re going to anyways. Expect that you won’t want to do it and be okay with feeling that and moving forward anyway.

4. Courtesy of Mel Robbins–The 5 Second Rule
– When you don’t want to do something you have planned, count down from five to one. When you get to one, get up and do it. This psychologically helps the brain prepare for what is coming.

Trusting ourselves is a choice and a skill. It is something we should practice every day. Bettering this skill will literally start to change your life. If you’re ready to start building this skill and take control of your life, schedule your free session with me. I can help you.