You made plans with some friends weeks ago.
The day has arrived and you have a million thoughts running through your head.
It’s hard to tell which ones are stronger–trying to talk yourself up and into going OR justifying why you should cancel.
This is where you take a pause. Breathe. And ask yourself these three questions:
- For me to show up like the human I want to be, what do I need today?
- If I go, can I allow myself to have a good time even if I don’t want to go right now?
- If I stay home, can I do so without beating myself up and confidently own my reason(s)?
I’ve had times where I’ve forced myself to go to things and not allowed myself to have a good time, and I’ve had times where I decided to stay home and then spent the evening wobbling back and forth between justifying my reasons and trying not to beat myself up.
No matter what happens when you make the decisions and follow through with them, it’s important to remember that there are no “wrong” choices.
You could go hang out with friends, not want to be there, and then shift halfway through and enjoy yourself.
You could stay home liking your reasons, and still have anxiety that you use to beat yourself up.
Just because there is discomfort or a negative emotion doesn’t mean that anything has gone wrong.
We are taught that we should ‘honor our word,’ and ‘negative feelings tell us something is wrong,’ but what if this black-and-white view is actually the problem?
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t keep your word or that negative feelings shouldn’t be listened to. Please don’t misunderstand me.
But when society uses a blanket statement for these kinds of ‘life lessons’ it can lead to confusion, doubt, shame, and guilt.
Because we were taught so many things in black-and-white, it makes sense why mental health is a big problem in the world right now.
The best part of the brain (in my opinion), is its ability to learn–a new language, new skills, and new ways of thinking.
Until you uncover your own beliefs (which include questioning your current ones), you can’t learn a more peaceful way of thinking. A thinking style that is situational and is dependent upon where you are and what your needs are.
There are many ways to handle the situation I posed at the beginning. The question is do you have your own internal-belief-filter built and activated to filter these decisions or are you being guilted and shamed by your social programming?
Be confident with making your decisions—without all the guilt, shame, and blame.
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