“You’re not good enough.”
“There is no way you could do that.”
“You can’t do as well as someone else, so it’s not even worth doing.”
Does any of the above sound familiar?
If you’re like me and my clients, that little critical voice in your head is ever-present…just poking at you.
Negative self-talk is the destroyer of confidence, authenticity, and is probably one of the biggest contributors holding you back from taking action.
Now, I want to take a moment and blow your mind…..you ready?
You don’t have to believe the negative self-talk of your inner critic.
You are an evolved human with an incredible prefrontal cortex and conscious mind that allows you to make deliberate decisions–which can include not believing every thought your brain offers up to you.
How to Stop Negative Self-Talk in Three Easy Steps
- Create awareness around the sentences that run through your head. If you don’t have awareness of what’s happening, how can you deliberately make a choice to change?
- Acknowledge that you’re brain is just doing what it is designed to do and what you’ve programmed it to do.
- There is a part of our brain that is unevolved and still primal. It has three main functions: (1) avoid pain, (2) seek pleasure, and (3) be efficient (do what’s easiest). Negative self-talk is one way your brain is trying to protect you from pain by doing what’s easy (aka running the belief program you taught it).
- Most likely it’s a subconscious belief that you progarmmed into your brain at a super young age because you interpreted a situation with a naive childlike knowledge base.
- Ex. You’re 3 and you reach for the glowing red stove. Your guardian yells at you (because they are trying to protect you from pain). You think you’re in trouble and feel worthless. Now anytime you get yelled at, you run the program “I’m worthless.”
- Challenge the narrative that your inner critic tells you. Just because you have a thought, doesn’t mean it’s factual or that you have to believe it.
- Ex. Inner Critic: Look at your life, it’s pathetic. You’re no where near where you should be.
- Ex. Challenge: Sure, I may not be exactly where I want to be but that doesn’t mean I’m not where I should be. I’ve learned some hard lessons and had a ton of growth that is helping me become the person I am and who I want to be.
My Birthday and My Ask of You
This past week, I celebrated my 33rd birthday. Three is my favorite number so I have no doubt this year will be absolutely incredible.
However, I never thought I would make it to this age. I actually spent a large chunk of my life wishing I wouldn’t make it to my next birthday. There were a lot of factors involved, of course; but, one of my saving graces as it were, was changing how I talk to and about myself. I used make fun of myself and my “flaws” so they couldn’t be used against me. As you can imagine, it still felt awful because I was reinforcing the negative self-talk to my subconscious. Since learning to challenge my narrative and continuing to practice, my life has significantly improved and birthdays have become a celebration of growth and progress.
I have two challenges to propose to you–one is serious, and the other would just help me out:
1. Follow my easy three step process above to help overcome negative self-talk. I guarantee that if you start doing this, even for just a few days, you will notice a shift.
2. Please share this blog with someone you care about that may be struggling in some way or sign-up for my weekly newsletter. As a small business owner with a big dream that includes helping people overcome their negative self-talk, I want to reach as many people as possible to provide the free resources I have available. The fact that YOU are even reading this right now blows my mind! Like you, as another human, are actually taking time out of your day/night to read this–THANK YOU!
If you or someone you know is suffering, please seek out help. Below are some resources provided by the QPR Institute that may be helpful:
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Cam Nichols
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2 responses to “Your Inner Critic”
I like the idea of challenging my own narratives. I’ve always been able to separate my ‘self’ from my thoughts, and to accept that my thoughts are a separate function of my mind, but actually challenging my beliefs on a constant basis sounds like a useful practice. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Stuart! I’m glad you found it useful. Challenging or getting curious about our thoughts can help us separate facts from stories/opinions. The more we do this, the more impact it has on our mental health and nervous system.