Poking Holes in Perfectionism

Did you know that some people don’t recognize they suffer from perfectionism?

I was coaching a client who is a very Type-A personality. They were telling me about how “out-of-control” they were feeling–that feeling that all the plates are spinning and are about to crash at any moment.

As they were telling me about some feedback they received from their boss and how terrible an employee and leader they were, I interrupted them to point out that they were stuck in black & white thinking. I asked if they resonated with the label ‘perfectionist’ and the response was HELL NO.

We continued our conversation and the black & white thinking came up again. This time I asked, “why do you not think of yourself as a perfectionist?” She responded something like, “Because I’m not. I know things aren’t perfect so I don’t expect them to be.” “Then why are you thinking the feedback you received automatically makes you sh*tty at your job and that your boss now hates you?” [Blank stares]

I then went on to explain that the need to control how they were perceived by their boss or others falls under perfectionism because it’s an all-or-nothing mentality. “You’re right! I never would have considered myself a perfectionist but now that you’ve pointed it out, I can see it in so many places in my life.”

How to tell if you’re stuck in perfectionistic thinking

Perfectionism revolves around things either being “perfect” or “imperfect.” When we’re stuck in that mentality, we think and communicate in a way that is black & white, good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. Here are a few more ways to identify perfectionism:

  • Need to be in control and be “the best”
  • Try to control how others perceive them
  • Get frustrated or depressed when given feedback
  • Constant need to overachieve and/or be productive
  • Overthinks everything and/or hates making decisions

When we are in perfectionistic thinking, we rob ourselves of growth, compassion, love, and success. We end up blocking ourselves from accessing our own wisdom and not seeing all of the options in front of us. And ultimately create more pain for ourselves.


How to overcome the perfectionist mindset

Separate Facts from Stories

One of the best ways to overcome perfectionism is learning how to separate facts from stories.

Our brains are incredible at inserting opinions or thoughts that feel factual. But in reality, those statements or thoughts are actually truths. But aren’t facts and truths the same thing? Nope! Let me explain:

Truth happens on a personal level, meaning it feels true but not everyone would agree–spirituality or religion, politics, values, etc. When we believe in something so much, it FEELS like it’s the truth.

However…

Facts are more global. They are things that can be proven in a court of law, scientifically duplicated or something that could be observed and agreed upon by everyone on earth.

Exercise of the Week

  1. Think of the most recent time when you noticed your perfectionism came out to play
  2. Write down all the thoughts and sentences that come to your mind regarding that experience
    • Don’t censor yourself. Write down EVERYTHING until you can’t think of anything more to add.
  3. Take a break – whether it’s a few minutes or a few days, step away knowing that you’ll come back
  4. As you read everything that you wrote, underline/circle/highlight just the FACTS

Ep. #2 – Story vs Fact Elevate Your Endgame

Join Cam and Megan this week as they discuss facts and the stories we tell ourselves around said facts, that shape our reality.  Join us on social media! FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/CoachWCam https://www.facebook.com/megan.a.wing INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/coachwithCam/ https://www.instagram.com/megan.a.wing/ LINKEDIN https://www.linkedin.com/in/cameron-nichols/ WEBSITE https://coachwithcam.com/

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

What do freezing temps and introverts have in common?

This past week in Utah has been COLD.

It got down to freezing temperature.

What do people who are cold do?

Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.

From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.

Why?

Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions:
1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort
2. Seek Pleasure
3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient

So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.

This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.

If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.

There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.

As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?

There is a time and place for this, for sure.

However, this can also be to our detriment.

We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.

Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!


If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.

What Is Your Insecurity Stopping You From Doing?

As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.

When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.

We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like:
● “I’m not good enough”
● “I can’t do that”
● “I’m not normal”
● “They know more than I do”
● “I don’t know what I’m doing”
● “Nobody cares about me”
● Etc.

Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.

Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).

We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from:
● going after that promotion
● making friends and/or meaningful relationships
● going after our dream job
● building the life we truly want for ourselves
● speaking up and stating our opinion
● etc.

What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?

What have they stopped you from being or becoming?

You are so much more capable than you realize.

You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…

…you just may need some help accessing it.

This is where I come in.

There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.

Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.

Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.

You’re one step away from changing your entire life.

I need your help and want your insight…

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.

Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.

I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:

  • Imposter syndrome
  • Social Anxiety
  • Fear of judgement and/or failure
  • Overthinking
  • Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
  • Fear or disappointing others
  • Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
  • Not living up to your own standards
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
  • FOMO
  • Feeling like you’re always a step behind
  • Perfectionism
  • People Pleasing
  • Thinking other people know better
  • Need for external validation or permission
  • Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
  • Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
  • Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
  • Etc.

Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:

THANK YOU!!!