Who started the idea that the goal of life is to be happy 100% of the time? Whoever it was, needs a loving smack on the head. Yes, this thought, or concept is perpetuated through all forms of media, but it’s not realistic. Anyone who has ever chased after the goal of 100% happy always ends up disappointed.
Why is this the case? Well, it comes down to us not really wanting to be happy all the time. An example I like to use is when a loved one passes away–is this something you want to be happy about? Some will say yes “because they’re in a better place” or “they’re out of pain.” Both of those things may be true and may provide some comfort, but it doesn’t really bring you happiness about the passing. When someone we love passes, it can feel terrible! Grief, sadness, longing, fear, etc.
I bring up this example because I really want to reiterate that the goal of life is not to be 100% happy; but rather embrace the human experience of 50/50. 50% of the time, you will feel positive emotions–joy, elation, love, contentment, etc. 50% of the time, you’ll feel negative–fear, doubt, loneliness, etc.
When we accept the 50/50 concept, it’s a life changer! The more we remind ourselves that life truly is 50/50 and that feeling all emotions is the human experience, it starts to shift how we think about negative emotions. We don’t beat ourselves up because we “shouldn’t feel this way”. Negative emotions are part of life’s balance and we keep going. We become the non-judgmental observer of our own thoughts and emotions. This allows us to be kinder to ourselves while simultaneously still getting things done that we want or need to.
Emotions are like a painting, if you paint the entire canvas with one color, it’s not very interesting, is it? However, when we use multiple colors, we are attracted to it’s uniqueness and beauty. Does it make the painting look messy sometimes? Sure. But there can be beauty in chaos–just like a big thunderstorm. Or on a more fun note, like finding Waldo in the Where’s Waldo books (I loved these as a kid)!
Why is this the topic I chose for this week’s blog? Honestly, it’s because this last week has been rough. Full of confusion, doubt, rejection, and fear. These concepts I teach aren’t just “woo woo–let’s make life happier”; it’s about resilience and emotional fortitude. Did I show-up exactly how I wanted to show up this week? No. But I’m also not going to beat myself up over things I didn’t do or “should have done.” This week has been my reminder that it’s okay to not feel good–in fact, it’s okay to feel terrible. It doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. It doesn’t mean my business is a failure. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care. You know why? Because I consciously and deliberately choose not to make negative emotions mean anything personal about me. This doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t offer up those thoughts–it absolutely does. But then I remember that I’m the one in control still.
This is what life coaching is about, my friends. It’s not about a magic fix or finding the missing formula or answer that flips the switch to make your life happy all the time. It’s about resilience, grit, and fortitude. Coaching is about me helping you broaden your perspective, providing more tools for your toolbox, and using those tools to help you create new habits so it’s easier to go through life. I can absolutely state from personal experience, that this work has helped me enjoy my life more. I can navigate through life on a different level and am so grateful for the opportunity to help others do the same.
We are stronger together. If I can help support you, don’t hesitate to reach out. Let’s change how we show up in the world, and then go out and change the world!