I’m not who you think I am.
I’m not Mr. Positive all the time.
I’m not always as excited or engaged as I show in my videos.
I’m quiet and contemplative.
I live in my head most of the time.
I prioritize myself over others.
I spend a lot of my “free time” watching tv and playing on my phone.
I am a recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, and negative thinker.
If I were to write this a few years ago, I would feel overwhelmingly shameful…
…and I would indulge in my depression and anxiety and binge tv and food to avoid feeling the shame, and guilt, and “not good enough-ness.”
After the thought work I’ve been doing for years, some people would expect my life to look completely diffrent–always happy, lose weight, being social and talkative, taking on massive challenges like running a marathon or something.
I don’t pay those people any mind. You know why?
Because I’m the one living my life, not them.
When I say coaching has transformed my life, I’m not kidding or lying.
I have changed and transformed.
As I wrote those first several sentences, I didn’t feel shame or guilt, or any negative emotion at all.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my several years of coaching and working on myself:
- Watching tv and eating food can be used to buffer from feeling negative emotion; BUT it can also be used for pleasure because I do actually enjoy it.
- I’m not lazy, I just have different priorities than some.
- Even though I’m quiet and in my head, my voice and story have power.
- 100% happiness isn’t the goal nor is it a realistic expectation (aka negative thoughts won’t ever go away completely).
- Learning to feel, experience, and process a negative emotion vs resisting it, actually makes life easier and more enjoyable. If you are putting a cap on feeling negative emotion, it’s affecting your ability to feel positive emotions deeply as well.
- There are no rules. Seriously, who made up the expectation checklist of how a person should think/feel/act/etc.? We get to make our own rules. We also can give ourselves permission to break rules that others try to place upon us. We always have the ability to choose, so therefore we always have options.
- The only thing perfectionism really does is keep you perfectly stuck where you are.
- Authentic self-confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident all the time. It means you accept yourself and are more curious about self-judgmental thoughts vs flogging yourself.
I feel as if I could go on and on and on with this list.
I publicly confess that I’m imperfect.
I also publicly confess that no matter what happens in my life, I can feel any emotion and have my own back.
What does that mean exactly?
It means that I believe in myself and my ability to work through anything and come out on the other side.
Being confident doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s just being who you are.
If you’ve been waiting for permission to believe in yourself, take this as a sign to give yourself that permission.
Give yourself permission to enjoy life.
Give yourself permission to feel painful emotions.
Give yourself permission to be kind and offer yourself grace.
If this message ressonnated with you, I urge you to leave a comment with a public confession and share all of this with someone you love and respect.
“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”— Cameron Nichols
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