How Coaching Helps You Break the Perfectionism Cycle

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What Is Perfectionism—and What Is It Keeping You From Doing, Being, or Enjoying?

When people hear “perfectionist,” they often think about someone obsessed with flawless work, spotless homes, or gold-star performance.

But here’s the reality of it: perfectionism doesn’t always show up that way. For me—and for many of the people I work with—it sneaks in as 

• Comparison — constantly measuring yourself against others and coming up short.
• Doubt — second-guessing every decision until your self-worth has bottomed out.
• Overthinking — running endless mental loops before you say, do, or share anything.
• Avoidance — skipping the thing entirely because you might mess it up.
  

Perfectionism is not just about having high standards. It’s about attaching your worth to how well you perform or show up — or how little you mess up — and letting that fear decide what you do or don’t do.

And perfectionism has a sneaky habit: over time, it convinces you these patterns are “just how you are.”

But they’re not. They’re stories your brain is telling you. 

As I’ve been reflecting on these instances (which I’ll share momentarily), I realized how this all fits into the framework I’ve been developing about feeling, noticing, and transforming emotions, long before I had put it into words.

Now, some people might hear these stories I’m about to share and roll their eyes or have opinions. And honestly? That used to stop me.
Before, I would imagine their judgment before I even opened my mouth.
But now, I don’t even care what they think about me. Because I’m not putting any weight or worth into their stories, only my own. Now that alone is transformational and I guess would the first story of how coaching has transformed my life – caring less about what other people think of me.

But let’s move on to the juicy story that inspired this post – literally. Let’s talk watermelon.

The Watermelon Moment: A Small Example of a Big Shift

Yes, watermelon. And yes, I was afraid of it. Don’t laugh—actually, you can laugh, but hear me out.

I love watermelon. It’s one of my favorite summertime treats. The texture, the flavor, the juiciness, it’s so good! But for years (I’m talking my entire adult life), I didn’t buy it.
Why? Because cutting it felt like an Olympic event that I was destined to fail.

• It’s awkward and heavy. 
• The knife slips around.
• You’ve got to make it look presentable.
• And heaven forbid I cut myself (I used to avoid cutting things in the kitchen entirely because I was afraid of the knives).

I’d see a watermelon in the store, want it, picture myself eating a cold, juicy slice…and then I’d walk right past. Because in my head, I couldn’t cut it with fines and ease. And I was worried that it wouldn’t be as tasty in real life as it was in my head – cause if you eat watermelon, you know that sometimes you get a dud.

That’s perfectionism, right there—turning a snack into a self-judgment parade. A very shitty parade!

And as I was eating it, it hit me: This used to be a whole thing for me. And now it’s just… not. This made my entire experience that much more juicy, delicious, and refreshing (puns fully intended)! Now every time I eat watermelon, I’m now reminded of this aha moment and feel all kinds of giddy and excited. From a neuroscience perspective, this remembering and feeling it emotionally in my body continues to rewire my brain and change my conscious and unconscious narratives. This is the power of coaching – rewriting the brain through feeling into new experiences rather than resisting them – because what we repeat in our brain, settles in neat.

And if perfectionism can stop me from eating watermelon, you better believe it’s shown up in bigger ways.

As I continued to ask my brain for more evidence of how coaching has changed my life, another memory popped up – ironically, around more food. 

The Pizza Panic – Fear, Judgment, and Growth

Years ago, I was in a team-building activity with my leadership crew: make-your-own pizzas.

We had the dough, the toppings, the music—it was supposed to be light and fun.

Except for me, it wasn’t fun. At all.

The second I touched the dough, I froze. It was sticky, stretching in all the wrong places. My mind was spiraling:
“I can’t make it look right. I’m doing it wrong. Everyone’s watching. They’re going to think I’m incompetent. Who screws up pizza? How could I even be a good leader if I can’t make a f*cking pizza!?”

Meanwhile, everyone else was laughing, tossing on toppings, chatting like it was nothing and having a great time. But inside, I was silently screaming and wishing I could disappear.

That memory is a snapshot of how I used to operate—and how coaching has shifted me since. I had a story in my head. I believed I needed to be in control. I thought I had to be perfect. Subconsciously, I knew I wasn’t perfect and never would be.

It was painful. This is the difference between a fixed mindset – where ‘we are just the way we are and there is nothing we can do it about it (talk about disempowering!). And a growth mindset – where discomfort or imperfection doesn’t have to be a problem, but a decision point.

Coaching taught me to pause, acknowledge what I was feeling, and neutralize it—not in a “push it down” kind of way, but in a “okay, let’s look at this” kind of way.

 Then, I learned how to shift it into something useful. Now, I can make pizza—lopsided crust, too much cheese (although is that even possible?), whatever—and have a blast doing it.

I’ve watched myself, over the years, start to respond differently in these moments: noticing the feeling, questioning the story my brain was telling me, and ultimately choosing a pathway that felt aligned with what I wanted—joy, ease, connection.

Ripple Effects: Noticing Change in Everyday Life

The watermelon. The pizza. They’re “little things,” sure—but they were proof of something big: I’m not living from perfectionism the way I used to.

And when you start noticing those shifts in the small stuff, you start realizing they’ve been quietly happening in the big stuff, too.

Where Else Had Coaching Shifted My Life

After the watermelon and pizza realizations, I started wondering: Where else has this shifted without me even noticing?

Suddenly, I could see the ripple effect in my life — in ways I had totally taken for granted:

• Cooking other things in the kitchen without the mental noise of “you’re doing it wrong.”
• Walking into social events without the internal “hide in the corner” plan.
• Navigating conflict in my marriage without freezing or getting defensive.
• Setting boundaries with family, friends, and colleagues without feeling like a monster.

The changes were so integrated into who I am now that I didn’t always recognize them as “wins” — until I zoomed out and saw how different my life feels now. But reflecting on these experiences revealed patterns: moments when I paused, noticed what I was feeling, and let that awareness guide my next step instead of letting perfectionism dictate it.

It’s Not Just Me

I see the same transformations with my clients, too.

One client who didn’t have enough time to get all the things done now is able to get things done faster, with less resistance, which means getting to more of the things on their to-do list AND it feels easier and more peaceful. 

Another went to a conference alone (which they had never done before) and instead of hiding in their hotel room or clinging to the comfy spot in the corner, actually socialized, networked, and enjoyed themselves.

And yet another client who has been talking about how they don’t have the time they want to focus on building their business now sees their progress. They have been doing it all along with each new person they hire. Each leadership meeting they have contributes to this. The foundation and systems they’ve built for themselves are also part of it.

And if I’m being really honest, what connects all of these stories is less about perfectionism disappearing and more about how we relate to the emotions and thoughts that perfectionism triggers. Noticing, reflecting, and letting awareness guide action is where the change happens.

The Power of Reflection & Awareness

The stories we tell ourselves aren’t always true. Even when fear and anxiety feel intense, they don’t have to control our decisions.

Those emotions can become powerful signals. When we pause, observe, and reflect, they can guide us rather than paralyze us. We can start to notice:

• What is actually happening versus the story my brain is telling me?
  
• How am I feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally?
  
• What’s the next step that aligns with my values and what I truly want?
  

A Call to Your Own Empowerment

I’ve seen firsthand how coaching can support these shifts, not just in me, but in the people I work with. And that’s why I’m opening a few spots in my private coaching practice.

If these stories resonate with you—if you recognize your own “watermelon” or “pizza” moments, if perfectionism, anxiety, or overthinking are keeping you from fully enjoying life—coaching can help you:

• Notice and reflect on your emotional patterns.
• Build confidence and empowerment in everyday- and big life- decisions.
• Transform anxiety and fear into intentional, value-centered action.

Because when you change the stories you tell yourself – especially around your emotions, you can change your life. And when your life changes, you can create the changes you want to see in the world.

On my blog, I’ve included a reflection exercise for you if you want to start transforming your own fear into something positive and powerful – I’ve linked it in the shownotes, so go check it out!

And as always, remember, shining bright gives others permission to shine as well.