I need to make a public confession…

I’m not who you think I am.

I’m not Mr. Positive all the time.

I’m not always as excited or engaged as I show in my videos.

I’m quiet and contemplative.

I live in my head most of the time.

I prioritize myself over others.

I spend a lot of my “free time” watching tv and playing on my phone.

I am a recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, and negative thinker.

If I were to write this a few years ago, I would feel overwhelmingly shameful…

…and I would indulge in my depression and anxiety and binge tv and food to avoid feeling the shame, and guilt, and “not good enough-ness.”

After the thought work I’ve been doing for years, some people would expect my life to look completely diffrent–always happy, lose weight, being social and talkative, taking on massive challenges like running a marathon or something.

I don’t pay those people any mind. You know why?

Because I’m the one living my life, not them.

When I say coaching has transformed my life, I’m not kidding or lying.

I have changed and transformed.

As I wrote those first several sentences, I didn’t feel shame or guilt, or any negative emotion at all.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my several years of coaching and working on myself:

  • Watching tv and eating food can be used to buffer from feeling negative emotion; BUT it can also be used for pleasure because I do actually enjoy it.
  • I’m not lazy, I just have different priorities than some.
  • Even though I’m quiet and in my head, my voice and story have power.
  • 100% happiness isn’t the goal nor is it a realistic expectation (aka negative thoughts won’t ever go away completely).
  • Learning to feel, experience, and process a negative emotion vs resisting it, actually makes life easier and more enjoyable. If you are putting a cap on feeling negative emotion, it’s affecting your ability to feel positive emotions deeply as well.
  • There are no rules. Seriously, who made up the expectation checklist of how a person should think/feel/act/etc.? We get to make our own rules. We also can give ourselves permission to break rules that others try to place upon us. We always have the ability to choose, so therefore we always have options.
  • The only thing perfectionism really does is keep you perfectly stuck where you are.
  • Authentic self-confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident all the time. It means you accept yourself and are more curious about self-judgmental thoughts vs flogging yourself.

I feel as if I could go on and on and on with this list.

I publicly confess that I’m imperfect.

I also publicly confess that no matter what happens in my life, I can feel any emotion and have my own back.

What does that mean exactly?

It means that I believe in myself and my ability to work through anything and come out on the other side.

Being confident doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s just being who you are.

If you’ve been waiting for permission to believe in yourself, take this as a sign to give yourself that permission.

Give yourself permission to enjoy life.

Give yourself permission to feel painful emotions.

Give yourself permission to be kind and offer yourself grace.

If this message ressonnated with you, I urge you to leave a comment with a public confession and share all of this with someone you love and respect.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Stay up-to-date with my weekly newsletter.
You won’t want to miss out on these!

Clicking the button above will re-route you to a subscription form.
You can unsubscribe at any time if it’s not your jam.

Halloween and the Masks We Wear

Happy Halloween, my beautiful friends!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year.

I LOVE all things spooky and have been binging horror tv, movies, and podcasts this season.

My husband shared a podcast recently called Throughline produced by NPR that did an episode on the origins of Halloween.

As we listened, I knew a lot of the information provided (because like I said, it’s my fav). However, there was one tidbit of info I wasn’t aware of…

The LGBTQ+ community helped Halloween become mainstream.

Why did the LGBTQ+ community adopt Halloween as their non-official holiday? (Halloween = “Gay Christmas”)

Because it was the one night a year you could be anything you wanted without judgment.

(Fun Fact: you can thank Elvira Mistress of Darkness for introducing “slutty (I don’t mean this derogatorily) costumes“)

Halloween became the one night a year where everyone wore masks.

If you’ve ever felt like an outsider or that you have to mask parts of yourself to fit in in society, you can imagine how liberating it must have felt!

We all wear masks to hide parts of ourselves.

This is something we do just because we are human.

There is a part of the brain, called the amygdalae, that houses our survival instincts (fight/flight/freeze).

It is also responsible for survival motivation–we in the biz like to call this, the motivational triad.

Essentially this means, this part of the brain has three main functions:

  • Avoid Pain
  • Seek Pleasure
  • Be Efficient/Conserve Energy

We naturally fear the judgment of others (aka avoid pain) because back in our primal days, if we were cast out of the tribe, it meant death.

Alone, you couldn’t survive. You needed the tribe’s knowledge and help with hunting and gathering, and defending against predators.

Talk about peer pressure!!

Even though we no longer have the same concerns that our primal ancestors had, this part of the brain hasn’t evolved past that.

Because of this, we put on masks to try and protect ourselves and fit in.

How would your life be different if you didn’t wear a mask around others?

If you could accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, set appropriate boundaries, and just live freely, how would you think differently about yourself and the world? How would you feel? How would you act?

Seriously, close your eyes and take a few minutes to visualize this.

What adventures would you go on? What would you try if you weren’t afraid of how you would be perceived if you failed?

This time of year is traditionally known as the time to harvest, prep for winter, and death/rest.

But I like to look at this time of year as a time to reflect on growth from the past year AND dream of the possibility of my future.

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the ability to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and mind and dream of possibilities.

What mask(s) are you ready to shed and who are you ready to become?

I thank our LGBTQ+ predecessors for their willingness to live authentically and turn wearing masks to hide on its head.


If this is an area of your life that you want to work on, I would be honored to work with you on it. This is the main area of my coaching practice because I’ve been through this journey and come out on the other side. Book your free consultation here.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

What do freezing temps and introverts have in common?

This past week in Utah has been COLD.

It got down to freezing temperature.

What do people who are cold do?

Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.

From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.

Why?

Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions:
1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort
2. Seek Pleasure
3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient

So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.

This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.

If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.

There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.

As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?

There is a time and place for this, for sure.

However, this can also be to our detriment.

We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.

Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!


If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.

What Is Your Insecurity Stopping You From Doing?

As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.

When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.

We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like:
● “I’m not good enough”
● “I can’t do that”
● “I’m not normal”
● “They know more than I do”
● “I don’t know what I’m doing”
● “Nobody cares about me”
● Etc.

Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.

Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).

We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from:
● going after that promotion
● making friends and/or meaningful relationships
● going after our dream job
● building the life we truly want for ourselves
● speaking up and stating our opinion
● etc.

What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?

What have they stopped you from being or becoming?

You are so much more capable than you realize.

You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…

…you just may need some help accessing it.

This is where I come in.

There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.

Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.

Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.

You’re one step away from changing your entire life.

I need your help and want your insight…

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.

Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.

I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:

  • Imposter syndrome
  • Social Anxiety
  • Fear of judgement and/or failure
  • Overthinking
  • Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
  • Fear or disappointing others
  • Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
  • Not living up to your own standards
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
  • FOMO
  • Feeling like you’re always a step behind
  • Perfectionism
  • People Pleasing
  • Thinking other people know better
  • Need for external validation or permission
  • Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
  • Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
  • Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
  • Etc.

Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:

THANK YOU!!!

Don’t Take Candy From Strangers

From a young age, we are taught what to believe.

We are given baselines and guidelines on how to conduct our lives and what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” behavior.

We don’t really question it…although we may sometimes test the boundaries.   

We create and adopt beliefs in order to protect ourselves and/or make sense of our world.

But a lot of the time, beliefs we have about the world or ourselves are actually misinterpretations based on gaps in our experience or knowledge.

They don’t actually protect us or help make our existence in the world better.

For example, as children, we were taught not to take candy from strangers.

However, we take candy and food from strangers all the time—trick-or-treating, store samples, free leftover food at work, etc.

The old belief of “don’t take candy/food from strangers” tells us we should not eat those things.

But I am not passing up Costco samples!! Yummy! And when you’re on a budget, free.99 is the best!

That old belief no longer serves to protect me in the same way it did when I was taught as a kid.

Because of how we have learned to program our brains, we continue to take information presented to us through the various stimuli of the world, and make incorrect assumptions and/or misinterpretations.  

Our lives don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all mold, so why do we try to make ourselves fit?

We go out into the world and our lives don’t look like what we imagined; so we think we suck and call ourselves a failure.

It’s becoming more and more apparent how harmful and painful this way of thinking really is.

What thoughts or beliefs do you have about yourself that aren’t helpful to you?

Most likely, the thought that came to mind when you read that question is rooted in societal programming.

I want to offer you that those thoughts that appear and sound like:

  • “You’re a mess”
  • “You have no worth”
  • “You’re not loveable”
  • “You’re different than others”
  • “Everyone else has their shit together, but you don’t”
  • “Someone else could do this better than you could”

are just the stranger and candy.

Yes, those are your thoughts; however, they are not your original thoughts—they are not WHO YOU ARE.

They are sentences you wrote in your programming and took on based on what you knew at the moment of programming—which is usually too young to have full context or knowledge.

Think of those kinds of thoughts as a stranger offering you a piece of poisoned candy.

They can’t be avoided, but you can say “no thanks, I’m good.” Or if you want to add some humor to it, “NOT TODAY SATAN!”

You don’t need to be any different to be loved or be worthy of the things you want.

You just have to be your true authentic self who is already 100% loveable and worthy.

Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror and into your own eyes—you will see magic.

Living Your Life Without A Buffer

Let’s be honest with each other…no one enjoys feeling negative emotions. It’s not that they can’t be useful or shouldn’t ever be present; but they just don’t feel good. So what does it mean to live life without a buffer? If we were to boil it down to it’s simplest form, it’s the willingness to feel any emotion on the human spectrum of emotions–all the positive AND all the negative. It’s the skillset of feeling emotions and not trying to dampen them with external things.

We use buffers to “soften the blow” or completely avoid negative emotion. Almost anything can be used as a buffer:

  • Food (hello to my fellow emotional eaters!) 🍕🍔🧀🥩🍣🍤🍦🍪
  • Alcohol 🍶🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺
  • Drugs 💊
  • Porn/Sex 🍑🍆💻
  • TV 📺
  • Phone 📱📶🤳🏼
  • Having a full calendar or constantly helping others 📅👋🏼🤝🏼🙏🏼
    • You’re probably like “wait, what?! How is having a full calendar and helping others a bad thing?” We often like to keep ourselves busy and occupied so we don’t have to address what is really happening inside our brain. We avoid and ignore it (usually until we get physically ill). Like I said, ANYTHING can be used as a buffer.

None of these things are either good or bad–they are neutral until we consciously or subconsciously choose how to use them. Are we using these things to dampen our emotions so that we don’t have to feel the negative stuff. Again, we as humans want to avoid negative emotion(s).

Another reason we buffer with things like I mentioned above, is because our brain chemistry. Any time we partake of these activities, our brain releases a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is considered to be the “pleasure chemical”. Have you ever had a rough day, you come home make yourself a drink or snack and as soon as you take your first drink or bite, you feel a sense of relief/release/pleasure? Yeah, that’s because your brain released dopamine into your body. Any time we get a like or comment on social media, any time we have sex, any time we binge our favorite TV show, any time we play and win a game, dopamine gets released. We are surrounded by ways to get pleasure.

In today’s society, with all of our technological advances, we want instant gratification (yes, I’m including Boomers and Gen X’ers in this as well). By tapping into our dopamine (especially with the amount of sugar and other shit we eat in the US), we become addicted. If you’ve ever tried to go cold turkey on not having something that you’re used to having every day, you know the feeling of withdrawal…and it doesn’t feel good. So what do most people do? Go back to buffering with whatever it was they were doing.

Most people do not fall under the generic definition of addict. However, any of our buffering taken to an extreme can easily become an addiction. For most people though, the ones we don’t consider addicts, this is just what we do. We participate in these things to make ourselves feel better–to get that dopamine hit–to feel that pleasure so we can feel better.

Now that we understand what buffering is, how the brain reinforces buffering behavior, and our developed over-desire, let’s talk about the 50/50 concept. This is one of my favorite topics to talk about because it brings SO MUCH PERSPECTIVE.
50% of our life is going to be filled with happiness, joy, contentment, and all other positive emotions. The other 50% of our life is going to be filled with sadness, grief, despair, and all the other negative emotions. A lot of us have been led to believe that we should be striving for 100% happiness all the time–positive emotions only. So that is what we do–we strive, and work, and spend out entire lives trying to obtain something that isn’t realistic. People don’t necessarily say that is what they are striving for; however, it becomes apparent when you’re talking to people about their problems or struggles that 100% happiness is indeed what they are searching for.

The 50/50 Concept

Life truly is 50/50–we’re going to have positive emotions AND negative emotions. And guess what? The world has always been like this, 50/50! There’s always been war/conflict, famine, death. There’s always been joy, happiness, and pride. But now that we have the internet, social media, and the 24 hour news circuit, we are so much more aware of it than our ancestors were.

This is something we need to keep in mind as we are on social media where everyone is posting the highlights of their life. This is where we reinforce that we “should be happy all the time” or “their life is so much cooler than mine.” B*tch, our lives are more than just a highlight reel!! It truly is 50% good and 50% bad–always has been and always will be.

To help bring this concept home, I want to introduce you to the scale of human emotion:

Scale of Human Emotion

0 is completely neutral. Negative numbers correlate to negative emotions with intensity growing from -1 to -10. As you guessed or assumed, it’s the same with the positive side = positive emotions with intensity growing from +1 to +10.
When we buffer or dampen our emotions, we are limiting how far we feel on the emotional scale. If you’re only willing to feel a -3 emotion (ex. sadness), then the most you are open to feeling on the positive side is a +3 (ex. contentment). Look at the scale above and see how much of life you are missing out on! In order to feel the amazingness that is +10 (ex. elated), you have to be willing and open to feeling the emotions of a -10 (ex. devastation).

I love looking at emotions this way, using the scale; because as a visual learner it is so clear to see what I may be missing out on OR celebrate how much I’m willing to feel. It helps measure progress. This visual shows us the capacity of our lives! We don’t want to hinder our lives because we’re afraid of feeling bad. And when we feel bad, then we judge ourselves on top of that.

With all of that, I want to state that even when we buffer, we shouldn’t be beating ourselves up about it. If we partake in buffering in whatever form we choose, we can choose to have love and compassion for ourselves–especially if we’re starting on a new journey to learning about emotions and harnessing them to get what we want in life.

But when we buffer, we’re not willing to go there. So we have to have compassion because we are not perfect. There’s no expectation to be perfect. My fellow perfectionists, you hear me? Notice that no part of this concept touches on perfection because it’s not a real thing. As we go through life, we will buffer; we will mess up.

I hope this was helpful for you in learning how to live life without a buffer. This is something I am constantly working on for myself. If you are tired of living a numbed out life that feels like it’s on autopilot, come work with me. This work will absolutely change your life.

Schedule a free call with me here, to start your transformation and truly start living your life.

Stay up-to-date with my weekly newsletter.
You won’t want to miss out on these!

Clicking the button above will re-route you to a subscription form.
You can unsubscribe at any time if it’s not your jam.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Boundaries

What is a boundary and why should we set them?

Just like we have physical boundaries of our homes (walls, windows, doors, fences, etc.), we also can create emotional boundaries for ourselves and our relationships. Boundaries are something we put in place as a means of protection and empowerment. To set a boundary, you basically use an if/then statement. More to come on shortly. However, first, it’s important to know there are actually two kinds of boundaries at work in our world: non-verbal boundaries and verbal boundaries.

Non-verbal boundaries are…you guessed it, non-verbal and don’t need to be spoken aloud. This is typically something that is based on societal norms. For example, when you meet a new person, you don’t announce to them that if they slap you, then you will slap them back. It’s a societal norm that we don’t slap people. We don’t need to go around saying this to everyone we meet.

Verbal boundaries are boundaries that we need to speak out loud as it may not be obvious to everyone. An example of this would be, “if you come over without calling first, I may not be able to answer the door.” Some people always answer the door when they are home; but some people don’t unless they know someone is coming.

How to set a boundary

I like to teach how to set a boundary in three parts:
Request to change behavior
Boundary – stating what your boundary is
Consequence – what YOU will do or how YOU will react if your boundary is crossed or violated

For example, one of my personal boundaries is to not talk negatively about other people behind their backs. If I’m with a group of friends and they are talking negatively about someone or gossiping, I would say, “Hey, can we change the subject? I don’t want to talk negatively about people. If we don’t change the subject, that’s fine; but then I’ll just head out and do my own thing.”

Let’s break this example down into the three pieces:
Request – “Hey, can we change the subject?”
Boundary – “I don’t want to talk negatively about people.”
Consequence – “If we don’t change the subject…I’ll head out and do my own thing.”
Do you see how that all comes together?

How are boundaries different from manipulation?

I LOVE this question! Boundaries are often misunderstood and misused. One of the main ways to tell whether it’s a boundary or manipulation is the intent. It usually starts with a demand instead of a request. Boundaries come from a place of love and acceptance for yourself and the other person/relationship; whereas manipulation is trying to change someone else’s behavior in order to make you feel better or get something for your personal gain. Manipulation is about the other person doing something rather than YOU doing something.

An example of this would be “if you don’t clean the kitchen, then I won’t go to the party with you later.” It follows the if/then statement; but notice the intent–does this come from a place of love? No, it’s manipulating someone into doing something so you will feel better. It’s basically punishing them if they don’t do it your way. Don’t be this person. It’s not a pretty color on anybody.

How do you know whether it’s appropriate or not to set a boundary?

The following are the four things to observe and discern on whether you should set a boundary:
1. You have a clear and defined boundary for yourself that has been violated/crossed
2. The other person is unaware of your boundary
3. You feel the boundary needs to be restated for emphasis in order to have a better relationship
4. You are in a calm and loving place (never set a boundary from anger–remember, intent is HUGE)

Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Setting boundaries can be extremely difficult depending on your personality and the value you place on the relationship with the person you want to set a boundary with. The main reason it can be difficult is because we’re afraid of how the other person will feel or interpret our boundary. There is always a possibility of losing the relationship. I understand this can be scary, but at the end of the day, our emotional peace and self-love is what matters most. The main thing to remember is that you are setting the boundary from a place of love–for yourself, the other person, and the relationship.

Setting boundaries gives us the ability to create strong and genuine relationships with others. Boundaries empower us to create the kind of life that sets us up for success. If defining or setting boundaries is an area of your life that you struggle with, I can help. Please reach out or set-up a free call with me through my contact page. You don’t have to go through this journey alone.

How To Build Trust With Yourself

Do you trust yourself? Most people will answer YES to this question (especially when they feel good); however, their behavior tells a different story. Look at the commitments you make to yourself. Do you keep them? I’m not talking about big commitments I’m talking about the little things day-to-day—diet; exercise; getting up when the alarm goes off without snoozing; doing chores; making plans when you feel good but then cancelling them when the time arrives.

Each time we make a commitment, even mentally, and then don’t follow through, we are programming our brain that we cannot trust ourselves/we’re not the kind of person who follows through or commit. Why is this such a problem? If we teach ourselves that we cannot be trusted with our best interests, we start to seek validation and confirmation from outside of ourselves. It may seem innocent enough, but this starts when we are young. We are taught that someone else causes our feelings. We are taught that we cannot be sufficient by ourselves. We are taught that other people know better than we do. We are taught to give our power away to others.

But the reality is, we are responsible for all our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. We can choose not to take responsibility, but ultimately that just leads to a life of hopelessness and powerlessness. Imagine how your life would be different if you trusted yourself and took full responsibility for everything in your life? If everything was your fault, what would stay the same and what would change? What would you accomplish? What would you cut out?

When we trust ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives, we can literally create a full life where we can make anything we want to happen. I know this may sound too good to be true; but remember, not everyone wants to accomplish the same things. You get to decide for you. Here are a few things you can start doing right now to help you reprogram your brain so you can start trusting yourself again:

1. Make conscious choices
– It can be the smallest or mundane thing, such as brushing your teeth or having a glass of water. When you go to do it, remind yourself that you are making a conscious choice to do so and follow through.

2. Wake up on time
– Don’t hit the snooze button. Set the alarm at the time you want to get up, and then get up.

3. Remind yourself that at one time you wanted to do this
– We make plans and then the time comes, and we don’t want to do what we had planned. It’s totally normal. Sticking with the example of hitting the snooze button, remind yourself the night before that when the alarm goes off, you won’t want to get up but you’re going to anyways. Expect that you won’t want to do it and be okay with feeling that and moving forward anyway.

4. Courtesy of Mel Robbins–The 5 Second Rule
– When you don’t want to do something you have planned, count down from five to one. When you get to one, get up and do it. This psychologically helps the brain prepare for what is coming.

Trusting ourselves is a choice and a skill. It is something we should practice every day. Bettering this skill will literally start to change your life. If you’re ready to start building this skill and take control of your life, schedule your free session with me. I can help you.

Listening to Yourself

Some say people who talk to themselves are crazy. I completely disagree. I think people who talk to themselves are smart. Why? Because this is how you get the opportunity to challenge unhelpful beliefs.

I’m not a huge fan of social media. It takes away time with the endless scroll. I love seeing what people are up to, but most of the time I’m so locked into the scroll of “what’s next” I don’t interact much. And I find myself having less and less desire to post.

But those who know about starting a business, social media networking can be a HUGE component to business strategy in providing value to customers ahead of time. For the last few weeks, I’ve been torn between two opposing concepts—being authentic and doing something even though it doesn’t feel good. I’m a fan of both those concepts, but it led me into a lot of decision fatigue.

I decided to bring the situation to one of my coaches to get coaching. The conversation led me to a few A-HA! moments:
(1) The path looks different for everyone (aka there really isn’t a right way to do something vs a wrong way);
(2) My focus needs to come back to my strengths;
(3) It’s not only important to talk to yourself but take the time to listen;
(4) I’m already doing a lot of things besides social media;
(5) I stopped trusting myself.

Because my focus was on finding the “right way” and how that went against my strengths, I wasn’t open to really listening to my own inner wisdom. Social Media isn’t my only platform to provide value to people—I have my podcast, this blog, one-on-one conversations, group meetups and coffee dates. Sure, there are things I can tweak to make better and ultimately create a bigger impact, but that doesn’t mean all of that work and connection has gone to waste.

After the coaching session, I sat and just listened at the thoughts running through my head. It was amazing to me how much more open my mind was to ideas and solutions. My self-talk became more positive, and I felt a spark reignite within myself as I remembered that I really can trust myself.

The next time you’re having a hard time making a decision or feel torn, I invite you to write out the thoughts going through your mind to get them out, and then taking a few minutes to listen—whether you believe it’s your higher self, Universe, or God(s) of your choosing—just listen. Listen with an open heart and see what thoughts start to run through your mind. Look for trends or patterns as they can give you even more insight as single thoughts turn into ideas, ideas turn into beliefs, and beliefs turn into results.

Do this without asking other people for their opinions or thoughts. Learn to trust yourself before you get results (this is what keeps you going), so that when you do get the desired result it’s just more evidence of that self-trust. It all starts with listening to yourself.