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How Can Highly Sensitive People Speak Their Truth?
In a recent coaching session, I discussed the challenge of speaking and living our truth, especially when dealing with relationship issues. This topic deeply resonated with me, and I want to share some insights that may help you navigate this common struggle.
The conversation highlighted a common challenge that many of us face: the difficulty of being honest with ourselves and others about our true feelings and needs.
Let’s dive into the topic of living and speaking your truth.
Why Is It Important for HSPs to Speak Their Truth?
In the coaching session, we was talking to someone who had been in a relationship for two years, broke up, got back together two months later, and now felt the itch to break up again.
This person had past fears popping up, making them want to break up. But it boiled down to them not speaking and living their truth. They were afraid to have tough conversations with their partner – whom they loved and ultimately wanted to grow together.
As highly sensitive people, we often avoid conflict and try to manage others’ emotions. This avoidance makes us feel like the walls are closing in on us, leading to discomfort and pressure. When we don’t speak our truth, we get moody, negative, and critical.
What Are the Consequences of Not Speaking My Truth?
Think about when you feel like the walls are closing in, and you’re not speaking your truth. What are the negative consequences for you? Consider this a journal prompt if you like. Reflect on how it affects how you show up in your life – your relationships, the experiences you seek out or avoid, the dreams you allow yourself to go after.
When we avoid conversations, we justify things by sweeping them under the rug. But we need to build awareness of when we’re not living our truth and be willing to have those conversations.
Building Awareness and Improving Communication
Here’s a personal example: I often get upset over small things like a messy kitchen – crumbs on the counter, people not rinsing dishes or putting them in the dishwasher, etc.
My husband, in his wonderful attempts at being healthy, will buy something, put it in the veggie drawer, and then it goes bad before he can eat it. The drawer just gets gross. All of which is frustrating to me. Maybe you have one of these drawers in your fridge or your house as well. #outofsightoutofmind
I realized my short fuse was due to me not having conversations about how important cleanliness of my home is to me.
I finally got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Yes, I could just choose to clean it, but constantly picking up and cleaning up after people isn’t what I want to do all the time – even if I love them.
So I asked my husband to clean the veggie drawer and he agreed without hesitation. I just had to ask! But first, I needed to recognize my thoughts and emotions about having a clean kitchen and how it influences how I was showing up in my relationships. The building resentment was my red flag.
Creating Space for Vulnerability in Relationships
Later that night, I asked my husband if he got to cleaning the veggie drawer, and he didn’t. I was frustrated but didn’t want my communication to feel attacking or nagging in any way.
I introduced some playfulness into the conversation while maintaining seriousness, asking him to understand why it was important to me. He picked up on the playful and joined in.
He reminded me about his medication switch-up for ADHD, which takes time to kick in. When he asked for patience, I felt a wave of empathy because I’ve dealt with medication changes too. It’s tough, and things don’t always work as quickly as we want.
Balancing playfulness in serious conversations can help. It allowed my husband and me to communicate better. The wave of empathy I felt helped give me patience and understanding and reminded me that it’s not a huge deal, but it is still important to me.
Embracing Empathy and Vulnerability
Speaking our truth allows us to create connection and relieve pressure. It’s about unshaming our emotions and desires and learning to communicate effectively. This way, we influence others without attacking, advocating for ourselves while allowing others to have their emotions and reactions too.
When we speak our truth and live authentically, we relieve the pressure of the constant walls closing in. You can physically feel the relief. And it builds momentum, making you want to do it more and more.
How Can HSPs Thrive by Speaking Their Truth?
To thrive, we need to manage our emotions without judgment, communicate our truth/wants/needs, and allow others to do the same. This helps us create the life we desire.
Avoiding things only builds pressure. Instead, we should do that one hard thing we’ve been avoiding to feel empowered and build momentum.
We need to build the skill of awareness:
- Where are we not living our truth?
- Where are we not speaking up for ourselves?
- Where are we trying to make things not a big deal when they really are?
Be willing to be honest with yourself and then have those conversations with others when others are involved.
How Can HSPs Live Authentically in Relationships?
Speaking our truth allows us to create the connection we want. It relieves pressure and allows for mutual understanding. For example, when my husband and I spoke our truths, it allowed us to connect and empathize with each other’s situations.
When we live authentically, we build the momentum to continue doing so. We learn to self-advocate, communicate our desires, and create the life we want. This is how we thrive as highly sensitive people. Learning about our emotions, managing them without judgment, and effectively communicating our truth are essential skills.
How Can I Build These Skills?
If you’re reading this, you are already taking steps – congratulations!! Here are a few additional steps you can take if you feel called:
- Join my free monthly HSP Community Coaching Calls – a safe place to be sensitive! This space provides individual and group coaching led by me, and creates connections with other sensitive souls from around the world.
- Share this blog post and/or podcast episode with a loved one and start a conversation.
- Get personalized one-on-one support by coaching with my directly inside the My Sensitive Self program. You’ll get access to video modules, workbooks, and private zoom calls with me to coach on anything you’re dealing with to help you build the skills you need to thrive.
These are the containers in which we learn these skills to create the life we desire and feel the way we want to feel more often.
Final Thoughts
When we recognize the pressure building from not speaking our truth, we can start by identifying the situations where this happens. Build awareness, notice when anxiety or resentment creeps in, and take small steps to speak up for yourself.
We often believe we can change our circumstances to avoid discomfort, but true growth comes from facing those challenges. By speaking our truth and living authentically, we build a life that aligns with our desires.
Sometimes it’s about doing that one hard thing we’ve been avoiding to feel empowered and build momentum.
Continue stepping into this world with me, and let’s do amazing things – just because we want to!