How To Shift When You Don’t Want To Be Thankful

In the USA, we recently celebrated Thanksgiving. To be honest, I have many mixed emotions when it comes to this celebratory traditional holiday. But we’ll save that for a different time and different place.

But you know those moments when you’re sad, depressed, angry, or annoyed and you just don’t want to be thankful? We’ve all been there at some point, right?

For me, it’s when I’m at a big group event and I feel trapped like I can’t go home or find a spot to be in silence with myself. #introvertproblems

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with being in that headspace. If you want to feel a certain emotion when other people are telling you that you should be thankful, feel whatever you want.

But if you notice the negative emotion, acknowledge it, and have a desire to shift or transform it into gratitude or thankfulness, it’s totally an option. You don’t have to stay where you are currently at.

How to Start Shifting

Don’t Resist Negative Emotion

The trick to making the shift is not rejecting your current negative emotion. Sit with it. Allow it to just be there with you like another passenger on a bus. Get curious. Emotions are just vibrations in the body created because of a sentence in our mind. Emotions = Information.

If you try to thought-swap (swapping a negative thought and emotion with a positive one), the negative one will win. What we resist, persists. If you can’t learn to notice, acknowledge, and allow a negative emotion, you won’t get the results you want. You and your brain are too smart to make the jump from “I hate this” to “I love this”.

You don’t need to make a grand gesture or feel immense gratitude. Start small.

Actionable Items to Help You Make The Shift

  • Find one thing (wherever you are) that you find pretty or appealing
  • Give someone a compliment (but be genuine though)
  • Answer this question about yourself: “What small thing are you proud of?” (it could even be as simple getting out of bed because you didn’t want to, or even asking yourself this question!)
  • Do something you enjoy–listen to music, eat a treat and focus on how much you love the taste, etc.

Making Gratitude a Daily Practice

If you want to have an overall better quality of life, having some kind of daily gratitude practice is a fantastic starting point! The list above and the list below are only a few things you could do, so get creative and find what works for you.

  • Start a gratitude journal–it doesn’t matter if you write a page or a few bullet points
  • Get outside everyday and appreciate the nature that is around you
  • Practice mindfulness–I love to do this in the shower, brushing my teeth, and even cooking
  • Create the habit of waving to people and cars you passby in the neighborhood
  • Give a genuine compliment a day
  • Send a thank you card or text message to someone who’s made an impact in your life (whether recent or not)

The Hard Truth

Some days, practicing gratitude can be difficult. Some days are easier than others. Some feel like the world has gone to hell. This is how life is supposed to be. You can’t control everything and everyone around you, but you can control yourself.

Be okay with flowing between the good and the bad. Practice gratitude, and make it easy on yourself instead of a chore you have to do. If you miss a day, a week, a month…not a big deal! Just pick it up again. You didn’t fail. You didn’t do it wrong. You just went with the flow of life.

If it starts to get overwhelming, scale back. What would make practicing gratitude easier for you? What would make it a fun or enjoyable experience?

Take It To The Next Level

If you want to take this to the next level, come join me as I co-facilitate a new 6-week course called (Sub)conscious Confidence. We teach you how your subconscious and conscious mind interact and how you can hack it so they work for you instead of again you–like you’ve unconsciously programmed them to do!

We’ll give you the knowledge, tools, AND practical application so you walk away with transformation. We value this course at $3,000; but because it’s our second round and we want to teach as many people as possible, we’re giving it out for only $300!

Check out CoachWithCam.com/upcomingevents to get more details, watch some video testimonials, and register. We begin on December 7th, so don’t wait too long!

When to Adopt, Adapt, or Abandon

You’re doing a  project and you’re in a rut. Doing work feels like you’re banging your head against a wall. Congrats, the primitive part of your human brain is working perfectly! 

The primitive part of your brain functions from the motivational triad (conserve energy, avoid pain, seek pleasure). When you’re functioning from that part of your brain, it’s time for a CHANGE. 

Use TOOLS to make something easier or more fun. The ways you can change the tools you use are to adopt, adapt, or abandon. If you think about the model (check out my podcast if you’re like “what hell is he talking about?”) you either change your circumstance or thought (aka Environment or Mindset). We don’t need to change our circumstances to feel better (this is 100% true); however, sometimes it can still be beneficial. I’ll address this more a little later.

I call this forcing a brain reset:

  • Change of environment or task → Essentially anything that changes your focus and engages one of your learning centers (visual, auditory, and/or kinesthetic/movement)
  • Change your mindset → Thinking things that serve you and ditching those that don’t.
  • An example of combining the above → Write RESET on a piece of paper – this literally tricks your brain into shifting focus and engages both the visual and kinesthetic learning centers in your brain (say it out loud and you can round it out with the auditory learning center!).
Adopt

When I say adopt, I mean to recreate the same environment or mindset that has already shown success. Take something that worked for someone else OR something you have done before that just works. Why fix what isn’t broken, right?

  • Environment Example:  If you do really good work listening to podcasts, put a podcast on
  • Mindset Examplet: Focus in on a mantra that’s served you in the past, “I can figure anything I want out.”
Adapt

Sometimes you need to adapt, which means doing something slightly different. Let’s say you’re listening to a podcast while working and you make a mistake because you were enthralled but you don’t want to make more mistakes.

  • Environment Example: Instead of listening to a podcast, listen to music instead
  • Mindset Examplet: Shift to  I’m learning how to figure things out 
Abandon

Other times you need to abandon the tool or task. This is when you get to a point where you’re making no progress but you keep doing the task to fill your day or because “you’re supposed to”. Now, I don’t mean quit forever; just pause and come back to it later. I block out my calendar for how much time I want or think a task is going to take. If It seems like I’m stuck after a while and can’t reset my brain then I look at my calendar, see what the next task is, and switch. Moving calendar items until you get back in the swing of things can be just what your brain needs to get back into the flow.

  • Environment Example: Turning off the music 
  • Mindset Examplet: Use a completely different mantra → I can absolutely do this

What are some things you do to get back in flow?

What do freezing temps and introverts have in common?

This past week in Utah has been COLD.

It got down to freezing temperature.

What do people who are cold do?

Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.

From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.

Why?

Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions:
1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort
2. Seek Pleasure
3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient

So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.

This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.

If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.

There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.

As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?

There is a time and place for this, for sure.

However, this can also be to our detriment.

We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.

Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!


If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.

What Is Your Insecurity Stopping You From Doing?

As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.

When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.

We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like:
● “I’m not good enough”
● “I can’t do that”
● “I’m not normal”
● “They know more than I do”
● “I don’t know what I’m doing”
● “Nobody cares about me”
● Etc.

Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.

Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).

We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from:
● going after that promotion
● making friends and/or meaningful relationships
● going after our dream job
● building the life we truly want for ourselves
● speaking up and stating our opinion
● etc.

What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?

What have they stopped you from being or becoming?

You are so much more capable than you realize.

You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…

…you just may need some help accessing it.

This is where I come in.

There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.

Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.

Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.

You’re one step away from changing your entire life.

I need your help and want your insight…

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.

Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.

I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:

  • Imposter syndrome
  • Social Anxiety
  • Fear of judgement and/or failure
  • Overthinking
  • Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
  • Fear or disappointing others
  • Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
  • Not living up to your own standards
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
  • FOMO
  • Feeling like you’re always a step behind
  • Perfectionism
  • People Pleasing
  • Thinking other people know better
  • Need for external validation or permission
  • Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
  • Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
  • Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
  • Etc.

Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:

THANK YOU!!!

Don’t Take Candy From Strangers

From a young age, we are taught what to believe.

We are given baselines and guidelines on how to conduct our lives and what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” behavior.

We don’t really question it…although we may sometimes test the boundaries.   

We create and adopt beliefs in order to protect ourselves and/or make sense of our world.

But a lot of the time, beliefs we have about the world or ourselves are actually misinterpretations based on gaps in our experience or knowledge.

They don’t actually protect us or help make our existence in the world better.

For example, as children, we were taught not to take candy from strangers.

However, we take candy and food from strangers all the time—trick-or-treating, store samples, free leftover food at work, etc.

The old belief of “don’t take candy/food from strangers” tells us we should not eat those things.

But I am not passing up Costco samples!! Yummy! And when you’re on a budget, free.99 is the best!

That old belief no longer serves to protect me in the same way it did when I was taught as a kid.

Because of how we have learned to program our brains, we continue to take information presented to us through the various stimuli of the world, and make incorrect assumptions and/or misinterpretations.  

Our lives don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all mold, so why do we try to make ourselves fit?

We go out into the world and our lives don’t look like what we imagined; so we think we suck and call ourselves a failure.

It’s becoming more and more apparent how harmful and painful this way of thinking really is.

What thoughts or beliefs do you have about yourself that aren’t helpful to you?

Most likely, the thought that came to mind when you read that question is rooted in societal programming.

I want to offer you that those thoughts that appear and sound like:

  • “You’re a mess”
  • “You have no worth”
  • “You’re not loveable”
  • “You’re different than others”
  • “Everyone else has their shit together, but you don’t”
  • “Someone else could do this better than you could”

are just the stranger and candy.

Yes, those are your thoughts; however, they are not your original thoughts—they are not WHO YOU ARE.

They are sentences you wrote in your programming and took on based on what you knew at the moment of programming—which is usually too young to have full context or knowledge.

Think of those kinds of thoughts as a stranger offering you a piece of poisoned candy.

They can’t be avoided, but you can say “no thanks, I’m good.” Or if you want to add some humor to it, “NOT TODAY SATAN!”

You don’t need to be any different to be loved or be worthy of the things you want.

You just have to be your true authentic self who is already 100% loveable and worthy.

Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror and into your own eyes—you will see magic.

Living Your Life Without A Buffer

Let’s be honest with each other…no one enjoys feeling negative emotions. It’s not that they can’t be useful or shouldn’t ever be present; but they just don’t feel good. So what does it mean to live life without a buffer? If we were to boil it down to it’s simplest form, it’s the willingness to feel any emotion on the human spectrum of emotions–all the positive AND all the negative. It’s the skillset of feeling emotions and not trying to dampen them with external things.

We use buffers to “soften the blow” or completely avoid negative emotion. Almost anything can be used as a buffer:

  • Food (hello to my fellow emotional eaters!) 🍕🍔🧀🥩🍣🍤🍦🍪
  • Alcohol 🍶🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺
  • Drugs 💊
  • Porn/Sex 🍑🍆💻
  • TV 📺
  • Phone 📱📶🤳🏼
  • Having a full calendar or constantly helping others 📅👋🏼🤝🏼🙏🏼
    • You’re probably like “wait, what?! How is having a full calendar and helping others a bad thing?” We often like to keep ourselves busy and occupied so we don’t have to address what is really happening inside our brain. We avoid and ignore it (usually until we get physically ill). Like I said, ANYTHING can be used as a buffer.

None of these things are either good or bad–they are neutral until we consciously or subconsciously choose how to use them. Are we using these things to dampen our emotions so that we don’t have to feel the negative stuff. Again, we as humans want to avoid negative emotion(s).

Another reason we buffer with things like I mentioned above, is because our brain chemistry. Any time we partake of these activities, our brain releases a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is considered to be the “pleasure chemical”. Have you ever had a rough day, you come home make yourself a drink or snack and as soon as you take your first drink or bite, you feel a sense of relief/release/pleasure? Yeah, that’s because your brain released dopamine into your body. Any time we get a like or comment on social media, any time we have sex, any time we binge our favorite TV show, any time we play and win a game, dopamine gets released. We are surrounded by ways to get pleasure.

In today’s society, with all of our technological advances, we want instant gratification (yes, I’m including Boomers and Gen X’ers in this as well). By tapping into our dopamine (especially with the amount of sugar and other shit we eat in the US), we become addicted. If you’ve ever tried to go cold turkey on not having something that you’re used to having every day, you know the feeling of withdrawal…and it doesn’t feel good. So what do most people do? Go back to buffering with whatever it was they were doing.

Most people do not fall under the generic definition of addict. However, any of our buffering taken to an extreme can easily become an addiction. For most people though, the ones we don’t consider addicts, this is just what we do. We participate in these things to make ourselves feel better–to get that dopamine hit–to feel that pleasure so we can feel better.

Now that we understand what buffering is, how the brain reinforces buffering behavior, and our developed over-desire, let’s talk about the 50/50 concept. This is one of my favorite topics to talk about because it brings SO MUCH PERSPECTIVE.
50% of our life is going to be filled with happiness, joy, contentment, and all other positive emotions. The other 50% of our life is going to be filled with sadness, grief, despair, and all the other negative emotions. A lot of us have been led to believe that we should be striving for 100% happiness all the time–positive emotions only. So that is what we do–we strive, and work, and spend out entire lives trying to obtain something that isn’t realistic. People don’t necessarily say that is what they are striving for; however, it becomes apparent when you’re talking to people about their problems or struggles that 100% happiness is indeed what they are searching for.

The 50/50 Concept

Life truly is 50/50–we’re going to have positive emotions AND negative emotions. And guess what? The world has always been like this, 50/50! There’s always been war/conflict, famine, death. There’s always been joy, happiness, and pride. But now that we have the internet, social media, and the 24 hour news circuit, we are so much more aware of it than our ancestors were.

This is something we need to keep in mind as we are on social media where everyone is posting the highlights of their life. This is where we reinforce that we “should be happy all the time” or “their life is so much cooler than mine.” B*tch, our lives are more than just a highlight reel!! It truly is 50% good and 50% bad–always has been and always will be.

To help bring this concept home, I want to introduce you to the scale of human emotion:

Scale of Human Emotion

0 is completely neutral. Negative numbers correlate to negative emotions with intensity growing from -1 to -10. As you guessed or assumed, it’s the same with the positive side = positive emotions with intensity growing from +1 to +10.
When we buffer or dampen our emotions, we are limiting how far we feel on the emotional scale. If you’re only willing to feel a -3 emotion (ex. sadness), then the most you are open to feeling on the positive side is a +3 (ex. contentment). Look at the scale above and see how much of life you are missing out on! In order to feel the amazingness that is +10 (ex. elated), you have to be willing and open to feeling the emotions of a -10 (ex. devastation).

I love looking at emotions this way, using the scale; because as a visual learner it is so clear to see what I may be missing out on OR celebrate how much I’m willing to feel. It helps measure progress. This visual shows us the capacity of our lives! We don’t want to hinder our lives because we’re afraid of feeling bad. And when we feel bad, then we judge ourselves on top of that.

With all of that, I want to state that even when we buffer, we shouldn’t be beating ourselves up about it. If we partake in buffering in whatever form we choose, we can choose to have love and compassion for ourselves–especially if we’re starting on a new journey to learning about emotions and harnessing them to get what we want in life.

But when we buffer, we’re not willing to go there. So we have to have compassion because we are not perfect. There’s no expectation to be perfect. My fellow perfectionists, you hear me? Notice that no part of this concept touches on perfection because it’s not a real thing. As we go through life, we will buffer; we will mess up.

I hope this was helpful for you in learning how to live life without a buffer. This is something I am constantly working on for myself. If you are tired of living a numbed out life that feels like it’s on autopilot, come work with me. This work will absolutely change your life.

Schedule a free call with me here, to start your transformation and truly start living your life.

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“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Boundaries

What is a boundary and why should we set them?

Just like we have physical boundaries of our homes (walls, windows, doors, fences, etc.), we also can create emotional boundaries for ourselves and our relationships. Boundaries are something we put in place as a means of protection and empowerment. To set a boundary, you basically use an if/then statement. More to come on shortly. However, first, it’s important to know there are actually two kinds of boundaries at work in our world: non-verbal boundaries and verbal boundaries.

Non-verbal boundaries are…you guessed it, non-verbal and don’t need to be spoken aloud. This is typically something that is based on societal norms. For example, when you meet a new person, you don’t announce to them that if they slap you, then you will slap them back. It’s a societal norm that we don’t slap people. We don’t need to go around saying this to everyone we meet.

Verbal boundaries are boundaries that we need to speak out loud as it may not be obvious to everyone. An example of this would be, “if you come over without calling first, I may not be able to answer the door.” Some people always answer the door when they are home; but some people don’t unless they know someone is coming.

How to set a boundary

I like to teach how to set a boundary in three parts:
Request to change behavior
Boundary – stating what your boundary is
Consequence – what YOU will do or how YOU will react if your boundary is crossed or violated

For example, one of my personal boundaries is to not talk negatively about other people behind their backs. If I’m with a group of friends and they are talking negatively about someone or gossiping, I would say, “Hey, can we change the subject? I don’t want to talk negatively about people. If we don’t change the subject, that’s fine; but then I’ll just head out and do my own thing.”

Let’s break this example down into the three pieces:
Request – “Hey, can we change the subject?”
Boundary – “I don’t want to talk negatively about people.”
Consequence – “If we don’t change the subject…I’ll head out and do my own thing.”
Do you see how that all comes together?

How are boundaries different from manipulation?

I LOVE this question! Boundaries are often misunderstood and misused. One of the main ways to tell whether it’s a boundary or manipulation is the intent. It usually starts with a demand instead of a request. Boundaries come from a place of love and acceptance for yourself and the other person/relationship; whereas manipulation is trying to change someone else’s behavior in order to make you feel better or get something for your personal gain. Manipulation is about the other person doing something rather than YOU doing something.

An example of this would be “if you don’t clean the kitchen, then I won’t go to the party with you later.” It follows the if/then statement; but notice the intent–does this come from a place of love? No, it’s manipulating someone into doing something so you will feel better. It’s basically punishing them if they don’t do it your way. Don’t be this person. It’s not a pretty color on anybody.

How do you know whether it’s appropriate or not to set a boundary?

The following are the four things to observe and discern on whether you should set a boundary:
1. You have a clear and defined boundary for yourself that has been violated/crossed
2. The other person is unaware of your boundary
3. You feel the boundary needs to be restated for emphasis in order to have a better relationship
4. You are in a calm and loving place (never set a boundary from anger–remember, intent is HUGE)

Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Setting boundaries can be extremely difficult depending on your personality and the value you place on the relationship with the person you want to set a boundary with. The main reason it can be difficult is because we’re afraid of how the other person will feel or interpret our boundary. There is always a possibility of losing the relationship. I understand this can be scary, but at the end of the day, our emotional peace and self-love is what matters most. The main thing to remember is that you are setting the boundary from a place of love–for yourself, the other person, and the relationship.

Setting boundaries gives us the ability to create strong and genuine relationships with others. Boundaries empower us to create the kind of life that sets us up for success. If defining or setting boundaries is an area of your life that you struggle with, I can help. Please reach out or set-up a free call with me through my contact page. You don’t have to go through this journey alone.

Where The Hell Do Emotions Come From?

Why do we as humans yearn for the new house; the new relationship; or new job? Because of how we believe we will feel when we have it.

Today we’re going to talk about feelings and emotions—specifically where they come from and how to build awareness around them.

First, let’s talk about why emotions are important. In all my years of working in corporate America, I cannot tell you how many times I heard people tell each other how emotional they are and how they shouldn’t be in order to get the work done.

Here’s the thing, emotions are important because they literally drive every single action we take….or don’t take.

When we understand where emotions come from and how to create them, we can better learn how to manage and harness them to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish.

Let’s define what a feeling is – a feeling starts in the mind as a thought and becomes a vibration in the body.
This is different from a sensation, which is triggered by the body and then sends a signal to your brain.

Hunger for example, can fit into either category—both as a feeling and as a sensation. You can physically feel the sensation of hunger, where your stomach is growling because you need sustenance; but you can also feel hungry without any physical sensations (as a feeling)—emotional eaters like myself, you know what I’m talking about.


Most people believe things outside of themselves cause feelings. They believe feelings are involuntary and are caused by situations or other people: getting a speeding ticket, burning cookies 15 min before the bake sale, or the customer yelling at you for a mistake they actually made.

I want to take a moment to blow your mind… and let you know that none of those things are actually making you feel a certain way. Your thoughts actually create your feelings! WHA?

A LOT of people believe their feelings are what cause their thoughts. However, this just isn’t true. The reason they believe this is because they aren’t aware of their thoughts. We have an average of 60,000-90,000 thoughts a day and most of them run hidden in the background.

How would you feel if you got pulled over for a speeding ticket? Let’s say four separate people got pulled over. One gets frustrated, another defensive; another confused and one is ashamed. How can the same situation (aka getting pulled over for a speeding ticket) be the cause of all these different emotions? They can’t.

But what is different for each of them is what they thought about getting pulled over. Here are some examples of the feeling matched with their potential thought:
• Frustrated – “I don’t have time for this”
• Defensive – “I didn’t do anything wrong”
• Confused – “But I was going the posted speed limit”
• Ashamed – “I knew I shouldn’t have been going that fast”


There are four main ways we deal with our emotions: (1) Resist (2) React (3) Avoid (4) and Allow. Today we’re going to focus on the first three as they are common and the most problematic for people.

There is a part of our brain (actually two parts) called the Amygdalae [uh-mig-duh-lee] that help us regulate emotions. You may have heard of this part of the brain referred to as the primitive brain, lizard brain, or primal brain; and the association with our fight/flight/freeze responses. However, fight/flight/freeze only fall under one of the main three purposes of our amygdalae.

The three main purposes of our primal brain are:
(1) Protect us from/avoid pain
(2) Seek pleasure, and
(3) Conserve energy (aka be efficient)
We in the biz refer to this as the Motivational Triad.

The funny part about our primal brain is that it hasn’t really evolved since our caveman days. It can’t differentiate that physical danger and emotional danger are different. So it acts as if the possibility of being eaten by a sabretooth tiger back in the day is the same as a friend or spouse sneaking up and scaring us today in the present. Our amygdalae process these things the same when they are in-fact two different levels of “danger”.


Now that we know where emotions come from (our thoughts) and the way our brain regulates emotion, we can now build up our own awareness.

This is the first step to harnessing our emotions—building awareness. This helps us to use our emotions as information for us to consider; but don’t necessarily have to be acted upon. As our self-awareness grows, we learn to make our thoughts and emotions work for us rather than against us.

Let your emotions become triggers for you to switch into your conscious mind so you can make decisions and decide to take actions from a clean space rather than just reacting to the emotion from your primitive brain (aka Amygdalae).


If you are tired of waiting for the new house/car/relationships/job/whatever to feel better, shoot me a message and let’s chat, because you are only one thought and one emotion away to living a better life.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

How To Process Emotions–Especially Negative Ones

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been doing a LOT of coaching on how to process emotions. It all starts out the same way—someone doesn’t like how they are feeling or thinking and want to change it. Innocent enough, right? Who doesn’t want to feel or think better!? But what they don’t see is how they are resisting the negative emotion.

What does it mean to resist an emotion? To put it simply, it is not liking how you feel and trying to change it—whether by taking physical or mental action. The problem when we resist an emotion is, it compounds upon itself—like the snowball effect. By us trying to change how we feel, we end up intensifying the very emotion we are trying to rid ourselves of.  This is where the skill of allowing, and processing emotion comes into play.

In order to process an emotion, it really is a matter of diving into the wave rather than trying to dive or get away from the wave. In order to process an emotion, we need to be willing to feel it—not just acknowledge it’s existence, but truly feel it.

Remember, emotions are just a vibration in the body—they can’t physically hurt us. The worst thing that can happen is an emotion. This is part of why emotion drives all of our actions which create our results. The below exercise is one of the best ways I have learned to process an emotion. It will help you feel the emotion, but also help you come from a more observer point of view.

How to process an emotion:
1. Close your eyes and turn your consciousness inward
2. Visualize where the emotion is in your body
3. Describe the emotion in as much detail as possible
—Name the emotion (e.g., grief, shame, etc.)
—What color is it?
—What’s it’s texture? (e.g., smooth, hard, like tar, spikey, etc.)
—Is it moving or stationary? If moving, is it fast or slow?
—When you focus on it, does it change?
4. When you feel the intensity lesson, try introducing a new emotion to it (e.g., forgiveness, compassion, etc.) to see how they interact (stay in the descriptive mindset and repeat step 3 with the newly introduced emotion)

Some people, when they do this exercise, have experienced the negative emotion shrink. Some choose to bring in a higher power of their choosing to help clear away the intense negative emotion after feeling it. Do whatever feels right for you—there is not a right or wrong way to do this exercise.

There may also be times when the emotion doesn’t go away completely. That’s totally normal and okay. Let’s use shame for example. We’ve all probably done things we have shame around. I had one of the most incredible coaching sessions recently where one of my coaches coached me around shame. One thing she mentioned really resonated with me: what if you can forgive yourself and still feel a little shame as if it will never fully go away? This question was so profound to me. In talking with her about it, I realized I don’t want to fully release shame around this area. Sometimes a negative emotion is held onto because it still serves us in some way.

I share this experience with you because I want to show you that negative emotions aren’t bad. They serve a purpose, just like positive emotions (p.s. you can do the exercise above with positive emotions as well—it’s an amazing experience!).

If you are struggling with intense emotions, I can help. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me or schedule a free call.

Additionally, I would love to hear your thoughts about these blog posts—are they helpful? What are you taking away from them? What do you want to learn more about? Etc. Leave a comment or message me directly. I want to make sure I’m always providing value—yes, even with my free content—because this work is life changing and I believe everyone deserves what coaching has to offer.



How To Build Trust With Yourself

Do you trust yourself? Most people will answer YES to this question (especially when they feel good); however, their behavior tells a different story. Look at the commitments you make to yourself. Do you keep them? I’m not talking about big commitments I’m talking about the little things day-to-day—diet; exercise; getting up when the alarm goes off without snoozing; doing chores; making plans when you feel good but then cancelling them when the time arrives.

Each time we make a commitment, even mentally, and then don’t follow through, we are programming our brain that we cannot trust ourselves/we’re not the kind of person who follows through or commit. Why is this such a problem? If we teach ourselves that we cannot be trusted with our best interests, we start to seek validation and confirmation from outside of ourselves. It may seem innocent enough, but this starts when we are young. We are taught that someone else causes our feelings. We are taught that we cannot be sufficient by ourselves. We are taught that other people know better than we do. We are taught to give our power away to others.

But the reality is, we are responsible for all our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. We can choose not to take responsibility, but ultimately that just leads to a life of hopelessness and powerlessness. Imagine how your life would be different if you trusted yourself and took full responsibility for everything in your life? If everything was your fault, what would stay the same and what would change? What would you accomplish? What would you cut out?

When we trust ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives, we can literally create a full life where we can make anything we want to happen. I know this may sound too good to be true; but remember, not everyone wants to accomplish the same things. You get to decide for you. Here are a few things you can start doing right now to help you reprogram your brain so you can start trusting yourself again:

1. Make conscious choices
– It can be the smallest or mundane thing, such as brushing your teeth or having a glass of water. When you go to do it, remind yourself that you are making a conscious choice to do so and follow through.

2. Wake up on time
– Don’t hit the snooze button. Set the alarm at the time you want to get up, and then get up.

3. Remind yourself that at one time you wanted to do this
– We make plans and then the time comes, and we don’t want to do what we had planned. It’s totally normal. Sticking with the example of hitting the snooze button, remind yourself the night before that when the alarm goes off, you won’t want to get up but you’re going to anyways. Expect that you won’t want to do it and be okay with feeling that and moving forward anyway.

4. Courtesy of Mel Robbins–The 5 Second Rule
– When you don’t want to do something you have planned, count down from five to one. When you get to one, get up and do it. This psychologically helps the brain prepare for what is coming.

Trusting ourselves is a choice and a skill. It is something we should practice every day. Bettering this skill will literally start to change your life. If you’re ready to start building this skill and take control of your life, schedule your free session with me. I can help you.