Where The Hell Do Emotions Come From?

Why do we as humans yearn for the new house; the new relationship; or new job? Because of how we believe we will feel when we have it.

Today we’re going to talk about feelings and emotions—specifically where they come from and how to build awareness around them.

First, let’s talk about why emotions are important. In all my years of working in corporate America, I cannot tell you how many times I heard people tell each other how emotional they are and how they shouldn’t be in order to get the work done.

Here’s the thing, emotions are important because they literally drive every single action we take….or don’t take.

When we understand where emotions come from and how to create them, we can better learn how to manage and harness them to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish.

Let’s define what a feeling is – a feeling starts in the mind as a thought and becomes a vibration in the body.
This is different from a sensation, which is triggered by the body and then sends a signal to your brain.

Hunger for example, can fit into either category—both as a feeling and as a sensation. You can physically feel the sensation of hunger, where your stomach is growling because you need sustenance; but you can also feel hungry without any physical sensations (as a feeling)—emotional eaters like myself, you know what I’m talking about.


Most people believe things outside of themselves cause feelings. They believe feelings are involuntary and are caused by situations or other people: getting a speeding ticket, burning cookies 15 min before the bake sale, or the customer yelling at you for a mistake they actually made.

I want to take a moment to blow your mind… and let you know that none of those things are actually making you feel a certain way. Your thoughts actually create your feelings! WHA?

A LOT of people believe their feelings are what cause their thoughts. However, this just isn’t true. The reason they believe this is because they aren’t aware of their thoughts. We have an average of 60,000-90,000 thoughts a day and most of them run hidden in the background.

How would you feel if you got pulled over for a speeding ticket? Let’s say four separate people got pulled over. One gets frustrated, another defensive; another confused and one is ashamed. How can the same situation (aka getting pulled over for a speeding ticket) be the cause of all these different emotions? They can’t.

But what is different for each of them is what they thought about getting pulled over. Here are some examples of the feeling matched with their potential thought:
• Frustrated – “I don’t have time for this”
• Defensive – “I didn’t do anything wrong”
• Confused – “But I was going the posted speed limit”
• Ashamed – “I knew I shouldn’t have been going that fast”


There are four main ways we deal with our emotions: (1) Resist (2) React (3) Avoid (4) and Allow. Today we’re going to focus on the first three as they are common and the most problematic for people.

There is a part of our brain (actually two parts) called the Amygdalae [uh-mig-duh-lee] that help us regulate emotions. You may have heard of this part of the brain referred to as the primitive brain, lizard brain, or primal brain; and the association with our fight/flight/freeze responses. However, fight/flight/freeze only fall under one of the main three purposes of our amygdalae.

The three main purposes of our primal brain are:
(1) Protect us from/avoid pain
(2) Seek pleasure, and
(3) Conserve energy (aka be efficient)
We in the biz refer to this as the Motivational Triad.

The funny part about our primal brain is that it hasn’t really evolved since our caveman days. It can’t differentiate that physical danger and emotional danger are different. So it acts as if the possibility of being eaten by a sabretooth tiger back in the day is the same as a friend or spouse sneaking up and scaring us today in the present. Our amygdalae process these things the same when they are in-fact two different levels of “danger”.


Now that we know where emotions come from (our thoughts) and the way our brain regulates emotion, we can now build up our own awareness.

This is the first step to harnessing our emotions—building awareness. This helps us to use our emotions as information for us to consider; but don’t necessarily have to be acted upon. As our self-awareness grows, we learn to make our thoughts and emotions work for us rather than against us.

Let your emotions become triggers for you to switch into your conscious mind so you can make decisions and decide to take actions from a clean space rather than just reacting to the emotion from your primitive brain (aka Amygdalae).


If you are tired of waiting for the new house/car/relationships/job/whatever to feel better, shoot me a message and let’s chat, because you are only one thought and one emotion away to living a better life.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

How To Process Emotions–Especially Negative Ones

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been doing a LOT of coaching on how to process emotions. It all starts out the same way—someone doesn’t like how they are feeling or thinking and want to change it. Innocent enough, right? Who doesn’t want to feel or think better!? But what they don’t see is how they are resisting the negative emotion.

What does it mean to resist an emotion? To put it simply, it is not liking how you feel and trying to change it—whether by taking physical or mental action. The problem when we resist an emotion is, it compounds upon itself—like the snowball effect. By us trying to change how we feel, we end up intensifying the very emotion we are trying to rid ourselves of.  This is where the skill of allowing, and processing emotion comes into play.

In order to process an emotion, it really is a matter of diving into the wave rather than trying to dive or get away from the wave. In order to process an emotion, we need to be willing to feel it—not just acknowledge it’s existence, but truly feel it.

Remember, emotions are just a vibration in the body—they can’t physically hurt us. The worst thing that can happen is an emotion. This is part of why emotion drives all of our actions which create our results. The below exercise is one of the best ways I have learned to process an emotion. It will help you feel the emotion, but also help you come from a more observer point of view.

How to process an emotion:
1. Close your eyes and turn your consciousness inward
2. Visualize where the emotion is in your body
3. Describe the emotion in as much detail as possible
—Name the emotion (e.g., grief, shame, etc.)
—What color is it?
—What’s it’s texture? (e.g., smooth, hard, like tar, spikey, etc.)
—Is it moving or stationary? If moving, is it fast or slow?
—When you focus on it, does it change?
4. When you feel the intensity lesson, try introducing a new emotion to it (e.g., forgiveness, compassion, etc.) to see how they interact (stay in the descriptive mindset and repeat step 3 with the newly introduced emotion)

Some people, when they do this exercise, have experienced the negative emotion shrink. Some choose to bring in a higher power of their choosing to help clear away the intense negative emotion after feeling it. Do whatever feels right for you—there is not a right or wrong way to do this exercise.

There may also be times when the emotion doesn’t go away completely. That’s totally normal and okay. Let’s use shame for example. We’ve all probably done things we have shame around. I had one of the most incredible coaching sessions recently where one of my coaches coached me around shame. One thing she mentioned really resonated with me: what if you can forgive yourself and still feel a little shame as if it will never fully go away? This question was so profound to me. In talking with her about it, I realized I don’t want to fully release shame around this area. Sometimes a negative emotion is held onto because it still serves us in some way.

I share this experience with you because I want to show you that negative emotions aren’t bad. They serve a purpose, just like positive emotions (p.s. you can do the exercise above with positive emotions as well—it’s an amazing experience!).

If you are struggling with intense emotions, I can help. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me or schedule a free call.

Additionally, I would love to hear your thoughts about these blog posts—are they helpful? What are you taking away from them? What do you want to learn more about? Etc. Leave a comment or message me directly. I want to make sure I’m always providing value—yes, even with my free content—because this work is life changing and I believe everyone deserves what coaching has to offer.



How To Build Trust With Yourself

Do you trust yourself? Most people will answer YES to this question (especially when they feel good); however, their behavior tells a different story. Look at the commitments you make to yourself. Do you keep them? I’m not talking about big commitments I’m talking about the little things day-to-day—diet; exercise; getting up when the alarm goes off without snoozing; doing chores; making plans when you feel good but then cancelling them when the time arrives.

Each time we make a commitment, even mentally, and then don’t follow through, we are programming our brain that we cannot trust ourselves/we’re not the kind of person who follows through or commit. Why is this such a problem? If we teach ourselves that we cannot be trusted with our best interests, we start to seek validation and confirmation from outside of ourselves. It may seem innocent enough, but this starts when we are young. We are taught that someone else causes our feelings. We are taught that we cannot be sufficient by ourselves. We are taught that other people know better than we do. We are taught to give our power away to others.

But the reality is, we are responsible for all our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. We can choose not to take responsibility, but ultimately that just leads to a life of hopelessness and powerlessness. Imagine how your life would be different if you trusted yourself and took full responsibility for everything in your life? If everything was your fault, what would stay the same and what would change? What would you accomplish? What would you cut out?

When we trust ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives, we can literally create a full life where we can make anything we want to happen. I know this may sound too good to be true; but remember, not everyone wants to accomplish the same things. You get to decide for you. Here are a few things you can start doing right now to help you reprogram your brain so you can start trusting yourself again:

1. Make conscious choices
– It can be the smallest or mundane thing, such as brushing your teeth or having a glass of water. When you go to do it, remind yourself that you are making a conscious choice to do so and follow through.

2. Wake up on time
– Don’t hit the snooze button. Set the alarm at the time you want to get up, and then get up.

3. Remind yourself that at one time you wanted to do this
– We make plans and then the time comes, and we don’t want to do what we had planned. It’s totally normal. Sticking with the example of hitting the snooze button, remind yourself the night before that when the alarm goes off, you won’t want to get up but you’re going to anyways. Expect that you won’t want to do it and be okay with feeling that and moving forward anyway.

4. Courtesy of Mel Robbins–The 5 Second Rule
– When you don’t want to do something you have planned, count down from five to one. When you get to one, get up and do it. This psychologically helps the brain prepare for what is coming.

Trusting ourselves is a choice and a skill. It is something we should practice every day. Bettering this skill will literally start to change your life. If you’re ready to start building this skill and take control of your life, schedule your free session with me. I can help you.

Listening to Yourself

Some say people who talk to themselves are crazy. I completely disagree. I think people who talk to themselves are smart. Why? Because this is how you get the opportunity to challenge unhelpful beliefs.

I’m not a huge fan of social media. It takes away time with the endless scroll. I love seeing what people are up to, but most of the time I’m so locked into the scroll of “what’s next” I don’t interact much. And I find myself having less and less desire to post.

But those who know about starting a business, social media networking can be a HUGE component to business strategy in providing value to customers ahead of time. For the last few weeks, I’ve been torn between two opposing concepts—being authentic and doing something even though it doesn’t feel good. I’m a fan of both those concepts, but it led me into a lot of decision fatigue.

I decided to bring the situation to one of my coaches to get coaching. The conversation led me to a few A-HA! moments:
(1) The path looks different for everyone (aka there really isn’t a right way to do something vs a wrong way);
(2) My focus needs to come back to my strengths;
(3) It’s not only important to talk to yourself but take the time to listen;
(4) I’m already doing a lot of things besides social media;
(5) I stopped trusting myself.

Because my focus was on finding the “right way” and how that went against my strengths, I wasn’t open to really listening to my own inner wisdom. Social Media isn’t my only platform to provide value to people—I have my podcast, this blog, one-on-one conversations, group meetups and coffee dates. Sure, there are things I can tweak to make better and ultimately create a bigger impact, but that doesn’t mean all of that work and connection has gone to waste.

After the coaching session, I sat and just listened at the thoughts running through my head. It was amazing to me how much more open my mind was to ideas and solutions. My self-talk became more positive, and I felt a spark reignite within myself as I remembered that I really can trust myself.

The next time you’re having a hard time making a decision or feel torn, I invite you to write out the thoughts going through your mind to get them out, and then taking a few minutes to listen—whether you believe it’s your higher self, Universe, or God(s) of your choosing—just listen. Listen with an open heart and see what thoughts start to run through your mind. Look for trends or patterns as they can give you even more insight as single thoughts turn into ideas, ideas turn into beliefs, and beliefs turn into results.

Do this without asking other people for their opinions or thoughts. Learn to trust yourself before you get results (this is what keeps you going), so that when you do get the desired result it’s just more evidence of that self-trust. It all starts with listening to yourself.  

Feel Bad & Get Sh!t Done

No one cares what you have to say.
Nothing you say will actually help someone.
No one cares about what you’re trying to build.

Those sentences above are all very real thoughts that have gone through my head this week. As you can imagine, they are not helpful. But they did create results—just not the ones I really wanted. The result they produced was hours staring at my computer agonizing over what I could say to help someone and/or help build my business. If my two main goals are to help people and build a business, can you see how those thoughts don’t get me any closer?

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I teach that our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our actions and give us our results. So let’s look at the emotions that come to mind when I think those thoughts listed above: small, insufficient, inadequate, failure.

What actions did I take from those emotions? Judge myself (harshly), ruminate on not being smart enough, stare at the computer, not stick to my calendar, don’t create content or provide value, etc.

So here I am on Saturday morning staring at a blank screen trying to figure out what to write for the blog this week. I could easily continue to follow the same pattern as above—same thoughts, same emotions, same actions, same result. And to be completely transparent, for a little bit, I did repeat that pattern. But then I started thinking about the other results I created this week.

This is where things got interesting.

My list of results was WAY MORE than I originally thought:
– Posted three out of five weekdays.
– Created and scheduled weekend posts.
– Recorded four interviews for upcoming podcasts.
– Had 10 coaching sessions this week.
– Interviewed for a coaching contract position.
– Received confirmation that I received the contract position.
– Got exclusive invite to join an 8-week coaching intensive.
– Booked a consult for next week.
– Scheduled two coffee dates (one with a new friend, and one with an old friend).
– Participated in three networking events.

To me, that’s an impressive list—especially given the thoughts I mentioned at the beginning of this post. If those are the results I can create with a messy mind, imagine what I can create when I clean my thoughts up! Just as we evaluated the above thoughts, emotions, actions, and results of my unintentional model, it’s important that we evaluate the positive results so we can recreate them—even when we have a messy mind.

The results are listed above, so what are the actions I took to get those results? What emotions did I have to feel in order to take those actions? And what thoughts did I have that created the emotions? We could recreate models for each one of the results, but for sake of time I’ll talk about it from a higher perspective.

Some of the thoughts that created those results were: All I need to do is show up, I already know I’m an amazing coach so now I’m just learning the sales and marketing side, I keep my commitments, etc. Those thoughts generated emotions like relief, confidence, and peace. Those emotions drove me to take actions like commenting on social media, responding to messages, studying/getting educated, coaching, and even evaluating results.

I share this from a place of vulnerability because I want to give you a sneak peek into my mind. I have plenty of fears about posting this and how it could damage my credibility, etc. But at the end of the day, this is my experience. This is the HUMAN EXERPIENCE. Posting this is proof of coaching—including my own self-coaching! Don’t let discomfort stop you from doing something. You’re going to feel discomfort anyway so you may as well make that discomfort part of forward plan rather than the reason to hold you back.

Coaching has had an amazing impact on my life and this post along with the results I created this past week are proof of that. If you are stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or languishing in the rinse and repeat of life, please reach out to me because I can help. No, I won’t and can’t make you feel good all the time; however, I can help you gain deeper understanding, higher perspective, and help you rediscover the excitement that you have been missing.

Happy Independence Day to my friends in the USA and I’ll see you in your inbox next week 😊