Why is setting boundaries so hard?
There are a few common reasons:
- Protecting Others
- We take on other people’s emotions. We empathize or sympathize. We try to protect them from discomfort.
- Aka People-Pleasing
- We take on other people’s emotions. We empathize or sympathize. We try to protect them from discomfort.
- Fear of Rejection
- If they don’t like what I say, they’ll hate me/no longer be in my life. They’ll view me differently.
- Aka People-Pleasing
- Aka Perfectionism
- If they don’t like what I say, they’ll hate me/no longer be in my life. They’ll view me differently.
The REAL reasons we don’t set boundaries:
- Our own discomfort
- We avoid setting boundaries because it makes us feel uncomfortable. We don’t tell people about our boundaries so we just distance ourselves or live in misery. Both feel miserable!
- We don’t know how
- We don’t know or fully understand the structure to set a boundary (and yes, there is a structure).
If every time you wanted to set a boundary, it feels like an ultimatum, you’ve made it about them and how they should change to make you feel better. YOUR boundary is not about them, it’s about YOU.
Each time you set a boundary about them, you’ll be re-traumatized when they don’t change.
When we properly set boundaries, we’re free to be authentic without walking on eggshells. We protect our own peace instead of trying to change others. Some people won’t like the boundary you set–and that’s okay. Our relationships grow and evolve–and sometimes, it can mean the relationship is at its end. This is okay.
Boundaries promote honesty, trust, vulnerability, and communication. Do those sound familiar? They should because look at any relationship expert’s material and you’ll find those characteristics listed.
Boundaries are important but we don’t set nearly enough as we should.
If you need help learning how to set boundaries so you can protect your own peace; design the life you actually want to live; and build authentic relationships; I invite you to join me in my 6-month 1:1 personal coaching container. This is where the focus is solely on you and what you want to achieve with individualized support.
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