Something I have struggled with, and that I see my clients struggling with, is this fantasy that our personalities are all-or-nothing. What I mean by this is that we don’t want to allow ourselves to be complex multidimensional beings. Ex. We’re either always committed or we’re lazy and terrible. Who put this bullsh*t rule into play?
Especially this month as people focus on resolutions and goals for 2022, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others and believe they have it all figured out. The truth is, no one has it ‘all figured out.’ Even the people you compare yourself to or look up to are not in a constant mindset of successful or motivated thinking.
What I want to offer you is that sometimes you will feel motivated and like you’re going to crush your goals; other times you may feel tired or overwhelmed. One day you may feel excited; while the next you feel apathetic. I’m here to tell you THAT’S NORMAL!
Even if you feel lazy, apathetic, or [insert whatever negative emotion you want here], IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.
You are separate from your thoughts.
I invite you to start looking at the beautiful paradox that you are. You as a human, encompass opposing characteristics and personality traits. Embrace ALL of them.
Exercise
List out all the characteristics, descriptors, and common emotions that make up your personality–for even more fun, write or overlay on a photo of yourself 😊. Below is my own personal example:
Hello, my beautiful friends! I hope you all survived and thrived throughout the holiday season and are ready to step into 2022. Just a heads up this week’s message maybe a little longer than normal, but I promise it’s worth the read.
My feelings about December
Similar to some of you, I have separated myself from my religious upbringing. I don’t believe in the same concepts that were taught to me. And because I love all things witchy, I’ve done a lot of research on paganism and holiday traditions. So when I think of Christmas (and a few other holidays), I upset myself thinking of the persecution some of our ancestors went through that changed the meaning of these sacred holidays into what they are known for today. Let’s just say I know I have some work to do in this area around puritans and the crusades.
*Also, a part of the irony in this is that I am also a descendent of the original Santa Clause/St. Nicholas (according to an old family history book)–this is how I like to justify my physical stature (belly and beard )😂.
Additionally, as you saw a few weeks ago, I have a December birthday. Most December babies I’ve talked to dislike December–myself included. To give some additional context, 4/5 members of my immediate family growing up have birthdays in December. If I calculate birthdays for them and for grandparents, cousins, friends, holiday parties, etc. there could LITERALLY be some type of celebratory event every day of the month. As an introvert and homebody, this is what we call a NIGHTMARE!
As soon as I saw December approaching on the calendar, I started thinking of the nightmare that it would be. Even though COVID changed how people get together and celebrate, and there wouldn’t be as many events as there were in the past, the idea of it all was still terrible. Especially when I thought about figuring out how to take time off to unplug and relax.
Lead Into the Holidays
So I decided to really hone in on my calendar and work extra hard so I could take the 16th (my birthday) and the 31st (NYE) off, but still get everything done. What I really wanted to do was to take the last two weeks of the year off completely, but didn’t feel like it was realistic (yup, I turned that thought into reality). So I worked 11+ hour days M-F, and 4+ hours on Saturday, and slept most of Sunday. All of this so I could have two days off. WTF, right?!
It was about mid/end-week after I had been coaching on my schedule and calendar for a couple weeks that I decided to take back some more control. I made the choice to cancel my personal clients for the last two weeks of the year so I could focus on business planning for 2022–and my best ideas come when I’m giving myself space to just sit and think.
Christmas Week
Even though I had canceled my personal clients, I was still coaching clients a few hours a day for my contract gig and doing some other work in my business. No problems. However, as Christmas day approached, my thoughts grew more negative (yep, those damn puritans get me every time). I’m still lucky enough to have family members and loved ones around to celebrate with, which you think would make me look forward to the day. But even though I love seeing my family, I’m still an introvert and homebody at heart.
New Year’s Week
The Sunday after Christmas I woke up with a sore throat and was tired. No biggie; thought I slept with my mouth open or something. Took it easy and went to bed early. Monday morning, I wake up and my throat felt raw like it was peeled with a potato peeler. And my uvula was so swollen that it made swallowing and talking painful–like to the point where I couldn’t talk without making awkward painful cringy faces several times a minute.
As a homebody, I hadn’t been anywhere for potential exposure except for Christmas celebrations with my family. When I woke up sick, I immediately wanted to find someone to blame. I then found out that no one from my family had been sick, and someone pointed out to me that I may have just run myself out. Now, because it was my fault that I was sick, my mentality and mind management started to pick up speed…in the downhill direction!
On top of feeling terrible both physically and mentally, I had coaching clients booked through my contract gig that I needed to find coverage for or cancel. This was a first for me so my brain went NUTS:
“You’re just being dramatic. You should be able to push through. Your colleagues are going to judge you because it’s right after Christmas and the week of New Year’s. You’re letting everyone down. You can’t handle your own shit. They’ll think so much less of you now.All the time I spent stressing and crafting my schedule was a complete waste! Merry f*cking Christmas to me. If this lasts for more than a couple days, I’m f*cked.”
Thoughts like this continued and escalated throughout the week. And as you can assume, none of them were helpful. I totally fell into the pit of victimhood–“Pity Party for one, please” 🙋🏼♂️ I got the coverage for several appointments and had to cancel several others. The feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment were so heavy and intense–on top of everything else I had been feeling about the holiday season!
I hadn’t felt like that in such a long time. And even though I slept the majority of the week (12+ hours a night and several 1-5 hour naps during the day), it was probably the second or third worst week of 2021 for me.
What Changed
The first several days of the week, I was completely unaware of what my brain was doing. I believed every thought it presented to me. About mid-week, I started to catch on but still didn’t feel like I had it in me to challenge my narrative or try to think differently. I discovered I didn’t want to–I just wanted to be consumed and isolated by it. It was at this point I realized I had been resisting feeling these negative emotions by thinking “I don’t like this and I shouldn’t feel this way.” Then I asked myself two powerful questions:
Why not?
Of course I felt sh*tty! I was physically ill and had things I needed to figure out. My carefully planned schedule was completely blown to smithereens! And what if that was okay?
What now?
Now that I allowed myself to feel sh*tty about my perceived reality, guess what happened? Those negative feelings didn’t feel as heavy. I was now in a mental place where I could talk to myself in a much less intensely negative way AND in a way that wasn’t black & white or all-or-nothing. And this is what I practiced for a few hours (previously, this would have been DAYS)–meaning, a negative thought would naturally come up (like they do), and instead of immediately believing it, I started talking to it like I would if it were one of my sons or nieces or nephews.
Lessons Learned
1. Our brains will offer up old thoughts we’ve had before – WE DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE THEM.
2. Physical illness sucks, but it’s best used as information–what is your body trying to tell you?
3. Remember, when things don’t go your way or go as planned, it wasn’t meant to happen that way–AND THAT’S OKAY.
4. Confidence is having your own back. However, sometimes having your own back means disappointing others. Sometimes it means asking for help. Sometimes it sounds like “no.” Most often it’s not loud or showy, it’s quiet and intentional.
Final Thoughts
At first, I was nervous to share this intense behind-the-scenes view of my mind. But then when I started to see my lessons learned, I knew there would be others that could benefit. AND I absolutely am not and don’t want to be the kind of coach or person that only posts positive life highlights. The truth is, self-development isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s stormy, wind-torn, muddy, etc. But when you learn how to navigate the storm, you also learn how to embrace the intensity of a single sunray and build upon it until the rainbow appears.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. Thank you for not being perfect. Thank you for not hiding your pain. Thank you for reaching out for help. Thank you for every minute of trying–whether it’s easy or hard. Thank you for being you. 🧡
Happy New Year and let’s make 2022 our b*tch! 😈
Exciting Things Coming in 2022
Make sure to join my free Facebook group, CONJURING CONFIDENCE before next week…
In 2022, you can expect:
MORE free challenges (let’s take some small steps together that will make a BIG impact),
MORE free live group coaching calls,
MORE free virtual face-to-face chats,
and MORE.
“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”
Did you know that some people don’t recognize they suffer from perfectionism?
I was coaching a client who is a very Type-A personality. They were telling me about how “out-of-control” they were feeling–that feeling that all the plates are spinning and are about to crash at any moment.
As they were telling me about some feedback they received from their boss and how terrible an employee and leader they were, I interrupted them to point out that they were stuck in black & white thinking. I asked if they resonated with the label ‘perfectionist’ and the response was HELL NO.
We continued our conversation and the black & white thinking came up again. This time I asked, “why do you not think of yourself as a perfectionist?” She responded something like, “Because I’m not. I know things aren’t perfect so I don’t expect them to be.” “Then why are you thinking the feedback you received automatically makes you sh*tty at your job and that your boss now hates you?” [Blank stares]
I then went on to explain that the need to control how they were perceived by their boss or others falls under perfectionism because it’s an all-or-nothing mentality. “You’re right! I never would have considered myself a perfectionist but now that you’ve pointed it out, I can see it in so many places in my life.”
How to tell if you’re stuck in perfectionistic thinking
Perfectionism revolves around things either being “perfect” or “imperfect.” When we’re stuck in that mentality, we think and communicate in a way that is black & white, good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. Here are a few more ways to identify perfectionism:
Need to be in control and be “the best”
Try to control how others perceive them
Get frustrated or depressed when given feedback
Constant need to overachieve and/or be productive
Overthinks everything and/or hates making decisions
When we are in perfectionistic thinking, we rob ourselves of growth, compassion, love, and success. We end up blocking ourselves from accessing our own wisdom and not seeing all of the options in front of us. And ultimately create more pain for ourselves.
How to overcome the perfectionist mindset
Separate Facts from Stories
One of the best ways to overcome perfectionism is learning how to separate facts from stories.
Our brains are incredible at inserting opinions or thoughts that feel factual. But in reality, those statements or thoughts are actually truths. But aren’t facts and truths the same thing? Nope! Let me explain:
Truth happens on a personal level, meaning it feels true but not everyone would agree–spirituality or religion, politics, values, etc. When we believe in something so much, it FEELS like it’s the truth.
However…
Facts are more global. They are things that can be proven in a court of law, scientifically duplicated or something that could be observed and agreed upon by everyone on earth.
Exercise of the Week
Think of the most recent time when you noticed your perfectionism came out to play
Write down all the thoughts and sentences that come to your mind regarding that experience
Don’t censor yourself. Write down EVERYTHING until you can’t think of anything more to add.
Take a break – whether it’s a few minutes or a few days, step away knowing that you’ll come back
As you read everything that you wrote, underline/circle/highlight just the FACTS
Do you ever feel insecure when going out to meet a group of people because you’re afraid they’ll judge you?
Or how about feeling like you are not in control of your life and everything is just happening to you?
Our subconscious mind interprets what’s happening around us and then stores that information out of reach of our conscious mind.
For example, you get yelled at as a kid for almost touching a hot stove; you’re scared and feel shame and guilt. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you programmed your brain to avoid people and situations where yelling happens because it caused you pain (aka avoid conflict).
Now you’re an adult. You still hate and avoid conflict so you try to not “rock the boat” and please those around you. You may try to make everything absolutely perfect so nobody can see your flaws. Or perhaps you think you’re just mediocre so you don’t take on challenges, risks, or even dream of anything better.
We, humans, like to think we are evolved, but there is still a piece of our brain that hasn’t caught up to the rest. This part of the brain has three main functions: (1) Avoid Pain, (2) Seek Pleasure, & (3) Be Efficient (aka do what’s easy).
By avoiding conflict, or even potential conflict, your brain is naturally trying to avoid pain and run the easiest program that’s been running for years–AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
But here’s the thing, coaching and mindset work helps you to create new programs that propel you forward rather than hold you back.
You’re invited!
I would like to personally invite you to join me for my upcoming 6-week course, (Sub)conscious Confidence. In this course, we will teach you how to hack your subconscious to learn from your own inner wisdom; create new programs that help you get the results you actually want; and create authentic confidence from the inside out.
For more details and to register, click the button below.
You’re doing a project and you’re in a rut. Doing work feels like you’re banging your head against a wall. Congrats, the primitive part of your human brain is working perfectly!
The primitive part of your brain functions from the motivational triad (conserve energy, avoid pain, seek pleasure). When you’re functioning from that part of your brain, it’s time for a CHANGE.
Use TOOLS to make something easier or more fun. The ways you can change the tools you use are to adopt, adapt, or abandon. If you think about the model (check out my podcast if you’re like “what hell is he talking about?”) you either change your circumstance or thought (aka Environment or Mindset). We don’t need to change our circumstances to feel better (this is 100% true); however, sometimes it can still be beneficial. I’ll address this more a little later.
I call this forcing a brain reset:
Change of environment or task → Essentially anything that changes your focus and engages one of your learning centers (visual, auditory, and/or kinesthetic/movement)
Change your mindset → Thinking things that serve you and ditching those that don’t.
An example of combining the above → Write RESET on a piece of paper – this literally tricks your brain into shifting focus and engages both the visual and kinesthetic learning centers in your brain (say it out loud and you can round it out with the auditory learning center!).
Adopt
When I say adopt, I mean to recreate the same environment or mindset that has already shown success. Take something that worked for someone else OR something you have done before that just works. Why fix what isn’t broken, right?
Environment Example: If you do really good work listening to podcasts, put a podcast on
Mindset Examplet: Focus in on a mantra that’s served you in the past, “I can figure anything I want out.”
Adapt
Sometimes you need to adapt, which means doing something slightly different. Let’s say you’re listening to a podcast while working and you make a mistake because you were enthralled but you don’t want to make more mistakes.
Environment Example: Instead of listening to a podcast, listen to music instead
Mindset Examplet: Shift to I’m learning how to figure things out
Abandon
Other times you need to abandon the tool or task. This is when you get to a point where you’re making no progress but you keep doing the task to fill your day or because “you’re supposed to”. Now, I don’t mean quit forever; just pause and come back to it later. I block out my calendar for how much time I want or think a task is going to take. If It seems like I’m stuck after a while and can’t reset my brain then I look at my calendar, see what the next task is, and switch. Moving calendar items until you get back in the swing of things can be just what your brain needs to get back into the flow.
Environment Example: Turning off the music
Mindset Examplet: Use a completely different mantra → I can absolutely do this
I’m not always as excited or engaged as I show in my videos.
I’m quiet and contemplative.
I live in my head most of the time.
I prioritize myself over others.
I spend a lot of my “free time” watching tv and playing on my phone.
I am a recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, and negative thinker.
If I were to write this a few years ago, I would feel overwhelmingly shameful…
…and I would indulge in my depression and anxiety and binge tv and food to avoid feeling the shame, and guilt, and “not good enough-ness.”
After the thought work I’ve been doing for years, some people would expect my life to look completely diffrent–always happy, lose weight, being social and talkative, taking on massive challenges like running a marathon or something.
I don’t pay those people any mind. You know why?
Because I’m the one living my life, not them.
When I say coaching has transformed my life, I’m not kidding or lying.
I have changed and transformed.
As I wrote those first several sentences, I didn’t feel shame or guilt, or any negative emotion at all.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my several years of coaching and working on myself:
Watching tv and eating food can be used to buffer from feeling negative emotion; BUT it can also be used for pleasure because I do actually enjoy it.
I’m not lazy, I just have different priorities than some.
Even though I’m quiet and in my head, my voice and story have power.
100% happiness isn’t the goal nor is it a realistic expectation (aka negative thoughts won’t ever go away completely).
Learning to feel, experience, and process a negative emotion vs resisting it, actually makes life easier and more enjoyable. If you are putting a cap on feeling negative emotion, it’s affecting your ability to feel positive emotions deeply as well.
There are no rules. Seriously, who made up the expectation checklist of how a person should think/feel/act/etc.? We get to make our own rules. We also can give ourselves permission to break rules that others try to place upon us. We always have the ability to choose, so therefore we always have options.
The only thing perfectionism really does is keep you perfectly stuck where you are.
Authentic self-confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident all the time. It means you accept yourself and are more curious about self-judgmental thoughts vs flogging yourself.
I feel as if I could go on and on and on with this list.
I publicly confess that I’m imperfect.
I also publicly confess that no matter what happens in my life, I can feel any emotion and have my own back.
What does that mean exactly?
It means that I believe in myself and my ability to work through anything and come out on the other side.
Being confident doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s just being who you are.
If you’ve been waiting for permission to believe in yourself, take this as a sign to give yourself that permission.
Give yourself permission to enjoy life.
Give yourself permission to feel painful emotions.
Give yourself permission to be kind and offer yourself grace.
If this message ressonnated with you, I urge you to leave a comment with a public confession and share all of this with someone you love and respect.
“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”
— Cameron Nichols
How to Process an Intense Emotion in Just 5 Minutes
As introverts, we feel deeply and intensely–sadness, grief, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, overwhelm, anxiety, worthless, unloveable, fear, etc.
No matter the emotion, you don’t have to suffocate under its heaviness. Click below to get get a FREE guided meditation to help lift you out of those tough moments.
Looks can be deceiving….so can our ideas–especially when we’re passionate about a project, plan, etc.
Honestly, it can be totally exhausting to plan everything, envision how it will be during and after, and then BOOM.
It doesn’t go the way we expected.
Over the last six weeks, I’ve been co-facilitating a course on confidence working with a small group of people.
One of the people in the group came to class the other night (week 3 at the time I’m writing this), and said their mind and all their plans are blowing up (aka not happening as they envisioned).
They felt defeated and that nothing was working out for them.
Here’s a high-level overview of the situation: ● Planned presentation for potential business partner that would significantly boost their business. ● Potential business partner loved the idea but didn’t have time to take on the scope of this new project. IT WAS A NO. ● However, they are part of a larger organization that could benefit from the partnership; and the potential business partner wants to take it to the decision-makers of the organization at large.
As we discussed how everything played out, it was interesting to watch this person’s perspective shift.
As it turns out, their plan was validated and encouraged; however, the timing is just off. AND it turns out, by not being the right time, it gives their plan even more exposure and possibility.
What it came down to, was that the look and idea in this person’s head didn’t play out how they envisioned so they felt terrible.
But because their conscious focus was on feeling defeated and terrible, they didn’t see the future possibility or the actions they could take on their own while waiting.
When we set our mind on a goal, we think we know exactly how the journey will go and the outcome we will receive.
But in most cases, the journey looks nothing like we envisioned.
This doesn’t mean we don’t receive the same outcome or result (or an even better one!).
But the HOW we get there just isn’t what we thought.
When we can take a step back, the steps of HOW we get there aren’t that important because it’s the outcome or result that we really want.
Be unwavering in the result/outcome you want, but be open to how you actually get there.
This is the key to success.
A lot of the time, the result/outcome ends up being better or sweeter than we originally intended.
It’s basically Darwinism (evolution–survival of the fittest) for the modern-day–the more adaptable and resilient you become, there isn’t any goal you can’t accomplish.
Again, stay focused on the result/outcome, but adapt along the way in how to get there.
Does this mean it will happen in the timeframe we want–not necessarily.
But if you’re after the result/outcome, does time really matter?
How to Process an Intense Emotion in Just 5 Minutes
As introverts, we feel deeply and intensely–sadness, grief, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, overwhelm, anxiety, worthless, unloveable, fear, etc.
No matter the emotion, you don’t have to suffocate under its heaviness. Click below to get get a FREE guided meditation to help lift you out of those tough moments.
Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.
From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.
Why?
Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions: 1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort 2. Seek Pleasure 3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient
So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.
This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.
If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.
There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.
As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?
There is a time and place for this, for sure.
However, this can also be to our detriment.
We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.
Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!
If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.
As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.
When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.
We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like: ● “I’m not good enough” ● “I can’t do that” ● “I’m not normal” ● “They know more than I do” ● “I don’t know what I’m doing” ● “Nobody cares about me” ● Etc.
Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.
Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).
We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from: ● going after that promotion ● making friends and/or meaningful relationships ● going after our dream job ● building the life we truly want for ourselves ● speaking up and stating our opinion ● etc.
What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?
What have they stopped you from being or becoming?
You are so much more capable than you realize.
You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…
…you just may need some help accessing it.
This is where I come in.
There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.
Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.
Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.
You’re one step away from changing your entire life.
I need your help and want your insight…
First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.
Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.
I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:
Imposter syndrome
Social Anxiety
Fear of judgement and/or failure
Overthinking
Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
Fear or disappointing others
Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
Not living up to your own standards
Comparing yourself to others
Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
FOMO
Feeling like you’re always a step behind
Perfectionism
People Pleasing
Thinking other people know better
Need for external validation or permission
Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
Etc.
Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:
How long have you been working on your goals…and they just stay that, goals?
The reason that your goals aren’t becoming accomplishments faster isn’t that you don’t have a sensational work ethic; it’s because your work ethic isn’t being put to use in the most efficient way.
You’re following society’s method for success instead of the real method for success.
This success mindset is the one way that I have used to build my businesses from scratch.
I got laid off from my company and was able to become a full-time coach INSTANTLY!
I’m not special snowflake, I just know what makes successful businesses.
I’ll give you a hint…it’s not how many hours I work; its not my personal or professional background; it wasn’t my certification (I got certified after I had started my business); and it’s not because I won the lottery.
It’s my mindset.
There are SO many TALENTED, PASSIONATE, and BRILLANT humans that have fantastic ideas.
Their problem is that they’re following society’s prescribed “success” method (DO → HAVE → BE) instead of the real method to success (BE → DO → HAVE).
Let’s say someone is trying to get their goal off of the ground to be successful.
They’re doing a bunch of work, throwing money at their goals, talking with people, and maybe investing time in trainings (which is WONDERFUL btw!).
The problem is they are just DOING a bunch of things to see if something will stick; in hopes they might HAVE their goal accomplished and then they will BE “successful”.
Why? Because they are looking for their goal to GIVE them the feeling of success!
Even if they were DOING all the right things, they are seeking success outside of themselves and that always makes things murky.
If someone were trying to run a marathon so they can cross the finish line to be successful, it takes A WHOLE lot of willpower which is short lasted and will never motivate you long term (or at least it’s a LOT harder to get there and try to maintain).
The better way to view your mindset is to already FEEL successful starting out.
Remember, energy goes where intention flows.
What your brain looks for you will find evidence for.
If you are looking for evidence that you were successful every single day then you will find evidence for it!
If you’re looking for reasons that XYZ is really hard then you are going to find evidence that whatever goal you have is really hard.
You’ll be blaming or looking for external circumstances to give you your desired feelings. And that’s what we call external motivation instead of internal motivation.
Imagine you’ve never trained for a marathon before and you have no evidence of prior success to look at that you are successful as you train.
Did you stay hydrated? Did you get a lot of sleep? Did you go on your practice runs?
Once you view yourself as successful you’ll start doing the right things → eating well, staying hydrated, sleeping well, going on your runs, etc.
And guess what?
It’s going to be a hell of a lot easier then if you just tried to muscle your way through it (if you don’t collapse during the run that is).
Doing the right things will be EASIER.
Then your goal can be accomplished and you’ll continue to set yourself up for success with anything else that you achieve!
Again, society teaches us that you have to do certain things, in order to have what you want, in order to be something.
In reality you have to become the kind of person who does the right things to have what you want!
This is called the Be-Do-Have Philosophy and it is literally how I was able to able to start coaching full time, coach with 50+ people, and start my business without skipping a beat after being laid off.
I had the audacity to believe that I could just make it work and figure things out along the way.
My end results were and are inevitable.
My friends, have some audacious beliefs and go create whatever the hell it is that you secretly crave to create!
If you want some help with your success, goals, and/or mindset, schedule your free call and let’s get started on figuring out what’s been holding you back and how to move forward to accomplish whatever end result you want.
Coach With Cam 