Poking Holes in Perfectionism

Did you know that some people don’t recognize they suffer from perfectionism?

I was coaching a client who is a very Type-A personality. They were telling me about how “out-of-control” they were feeling–that feeling that all the plates are spinning and are about to crash at any moment.

As they were telling me about some feedback they received from their boss and how terrible an employee and leader they were, I interrupted them to point out that they were stuck in black & white thinking. I asked if they resonated with the label ‘perfectionist’ and the response was HELL NO.

We continued our conversation and the black & white thinking came up again. This time I asked, “why do you not think of yourself as a perfectionist?” She responded something like, “Because I’m not. I know things aren’t perfect so I don’t expect them to be.” “Then why are you thinking the feedback you received automatically makes you sh*tty at your job and that your boss now hates you?” [Blank stares]

I then went on to explain that the need to control how they were perceived by their boss or others falls under perfectionism because it’s an all-or-nothing mentality. “You’re right! I never would have considered myself a perfectionist but now that you’ve pointed it out, I can see it in so many places in my life.”

How to tell if you’re stuck in perfectionistic thinking

Perfectionism revolves around things either being “perfect” or “imperfect.” When we’re stuck in that mentality, we think and communicate in a way that is black & white, good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. Here are a few more ways to identify perfectionism:

  • Need to be in control and be “the best”
  • Try to control how others perceive them
  • Get frustrated or depressed when given feedback
  • Constant need to overachieve and/or be productive
  • Overthinks everything and/or hates making decisions

When we are in perfectionistic thinking, we rob ourselves of growth, compassion, love, and success. We end up blocking ourselves from accessing our own wisdom and not seeing all of the options in front of us. And ultimately create more pain for ourselves.


How to overcome the perfectionist mindset

Separate Facts from Stories

One of the best ways to overcome perfectionism is learning how to separate facts from stories.

Our brains are incredible at inserting opinions or thoughts that feel factual. But in reality, those statements or thoughts are actually truths. But aren’t facts and truths the same thing? Nope! Let me explain:

Truth happens on a personal level, meaning it feels true but not everyone would agree–spirituality or religion, politics, values, etc. When we believe in something so much, it FEELS like it’s the truth.

However…

Facts are more global. They are things that can be proven in a court of law, scientifically duplicated or something that could be observed and agreed upon by everyone on earth.

Exercise of the Week

  1. Think of the most recent time when you noticed your perfectionism came out to play
  2. Write down all the thoughts and sentences that come to your mind regarding that experience
    • Don’t censor yourself. Write down EVERYTHING until you can’t think of anything more to add.
  3. Take a break – whether it’s a few minutes or a few days, step away knowing that you’ll come back
  4. As you read everything that you wrote, underline/circle/highlight just the FACTS

Ep. #2 – Story vs Fact Elevate Your Endgame

Join Cam and Megan this week as they discuss facts and the stories we tell ourselves around said facts, that shape our reality.  Join us on social media! FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/CoachWCam https://www.facebook.com/megan.a.wing INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/coachwithCam/ https://www.instagram.com/megan.a.wing/ LINKEDIN https://www.linkedin.com/in/cameron-nichols/ WEBSITE https://coachwithcam.com/

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Confidence and your Subconscious

Do you ever feel insecure when going out to meet a group of people because you’re afraid they’ll judge you?

Or how about feeling like you are not in control of your life and everything is just happening to you?

Our subconscious mind interprets what’s happening around us and then stores that information out of reach of our conscious mind.

For example, you get yelled at as a kid for almost touching a hot stove; you’re scared and feel shame and guilt. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you programmed your brain to avoid people and situations where yelling happens because it caused you pain (aka avoid conflict).

Now you’re an adult. You still hate and avoid conflict so you try to not “rock the boat” and please those around you. You may try to make everything absolutely perfect so nobody can see your flaws. Or perhaps you think you’re just mediocre so you don’t take on challenges, risks, or even dream of anything better.

We, humans, like to think we are evolved, but there is still a piece of our brain that hasn’t caught up to the rest. This part of the brain has three main functions: (1) Avoid Pain, (2) Seek Pleasure, & (3) Be Efficient (aka do what’s easy).

By avoiding conflict, or even potential conflict, your brain is naturally trying to avoid pain and run the easiest program that’s been running for years–AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

But here’s the thing, coaching and mindset work helps you to create new programs that propel you forward rather than hold you back.

You’re invited!

I would like to personally invite you to join me for my upcoming 6-week course, (Sub)conscious Confidence. In this course, we will teach you how to hack your subconscious to learn from your own inner wisdom; create new programs that help you get the results you actually want; and create authentic confidence from the inside out.

For more details and to register, click the button below.

2021-12-07T18:00:00

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“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

How To Shift When You Don’t Want To Be Thankful

In the USA, we recently celebrated Thanksgiving. To be honest, I have many mixed emotions when it comes to this celebratory traditional holiday. But we’ll save that for a different time and different place.

But you know those moments when you’re sad, depressed, angry, or annoyed and you just don’t want to be thankful? We’ve all been there at some point, right?

For me, it’s when I’m at a big group event and I feel trapped like I can’t go home or find a spot to be in silence with myself. #introvertproblems

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with being in that headspace. If you want to feel a certain emotion when other people are telling you that you should be thankful, feel whatever you want.

But if you notice the negative emotion, acknowledge it, and have a desire to shift or transform it into gratitude or thankfulness, it’s totally an option. You don’t have to stay where you are currently at.

How to Start Shifting

Don’t Resist Negative Emotion

The trick to making the shift is not rejecting your current negative emotion. Sit with it. Allow it to just be there with you like another passenger on a bus. Get curious. Emotions are just vibrations in the body created because of a sentence in our mind. Emotions = Information.

If you try to thought-swap (swapping a negative thought and emotion with a positive one), the negative one will win. What we resist, persists. If you can’t learn to notice, acknowledge, and allow a negative emotion, you won’t get the results you want. You and your brain are too smart to make the jump from “I hate this” to “I love this”.

You don’t need to make a grand gesture or feel immense gratitude. Start small.

Actionable Items to Help You Make The Shift

  • Find one thing (wherever you are) that you find pretty or appealing
  • Give someone a compliment (but be genuine though)
  • Answer this question about yourself: “What small thing are you proud of?” (it could even be as simple getting out of bed because you didn’t want to, or even asking yourself this question!)
  • Do something you enjoy–listen to music, eat a treat and focus on how much you love the taste, etc.

Making Gratitude a Daily Practice

If you want to have an overall better quality of life, having some kind of daily gratitude practice is a fantastic starting point! The list above and the list below are only a few things you could do, so get creative and find what works for you.

  • Start a gratitude journal–it doesn’t matter if you write a page or a few bullet points
  • Get outside everyday and appreciate the nature that is around you
  • Practice mindfulness–I love to do this in the shower, brushing my teeth, and even cooking
  • Create the habit of waving to people and cars you passby in the neighborhood
  • Give a genuine compliment a day
  • Send a thank you card or text message to someone who’s made an impact in your life (whether recent or not)

The Hard Truth

Some days, practicing gratitude can be difficult. Some days are easier than others. Some feel like the world has gone to hell. This is how life is supposed to be. You can’t control everything and everyone around you, but you can control yourself.

Be okay with flowing between the good and the bad. Practice gratitude, and make it easy on yourself instead of a chore you have to do. If you miss a day, a week, a month…not a big deal! Just pick it up again. You didn’t fail. You didn’t do it wrong. You just went with the flow of life.

If it starts to get overwhelming, scale back. What would make practicing gratitude easier for you? What would make it a fun or enjoyable experience?

Take It To The Next Level

If you want to take this to the next level, come join me as I co-facilitate a new 6-week course called (Sub)conscious Confidence. We teach you how your subconscious and conscious mind interact and how you can hack it so they work for you instead of again you–like you’ve unconsciously programmed them to do!

We’ll give you the knowledge, tools, AND practical application so you walk away with transformation. We value this course at $3,000; but because it’s our second round and we want to teach as many people as possible, we’re giving it out for only $300!

Check out CoachWithCam.com/upcomingevents to get more details, watch some video testimonials, and register. We begin on December 7th, so don’t wait too long!

When to Adopt, Adapt, or Abandon

You’re doing a  project and you’re in a rut. Doing work feels like you’re banging your head against a wall. Congrats, the primitive part of your human brain is working perfectly! 

The primitive part of your brain functions from the motivational triad (conserve energy, avoid pain, seek pleasure). When you’re functioning from that part of your brain, it’s time for a CHANGE. 

Use TOOLS to make something easier or more fun. The ways you can change the tools you use are to adopt, adapt, or abandon. If you think about the model (check out my podcast if you’re like “what hell is he talking about?”) you either change your circumstance or thought (aka Environment or Mindset). We don’t need to change our circumstances to feel better (this is 100% true); however, sometimes it can still be beneficial. I’ll address this more a little later.

I call this forcing a brain reset:

  • Change of environment or task → Essentially anything that changes your focus and engages one of your learning centers (visual, auditory, and/or kinesthetic/movement)
  • Change your mindset → Thinking things that serve you and ditching those that don’t.
  • An example of combining the above → Write RESET on a piece of paper – this literally tricks your brain into shifting focus and engages both the visual and kinesthetic learning centers in your brain (say it out loud and you can round it out with the auditory learning center!).
Adopt

When I say adopt, I mean to recreate the same environment or mindset that has already shown success. Take something that worked for someone else OR something you have done before that just works. Why fix what isn’t broken, right?

  • Environment Example:  If you do really good work listening to podcasts, put a podcast on
  • Mindset Examplet: Focus in on a mantra that’s served you in the past, “I can figure anything I want out.”
Adapt

Sometimes you need to adapt, which means doing something slightly different. Let’s say you’re listening to a podcast while working and you make a mistake because you were enthralled but you don’t want to make more mistakes.

  • Environment Example: Instead of listening to a podcast, listen to music instead
  • Mindset Examplet: Shift to  I’m learning how to figure things out 
Abandon

Other times you need to abandon the tool or task. This is when you get to a point where you’re making no progress but you keep doing the task to fill your day or because “you’re supposed to”. Now, I don’t mean quit forever; just pause and come back to it later. I block out my calendar for how much time I want or think a task is going to take. If It seems like I’m stuck after a while and can’t reset my brain then I look at my calendar, see what the next task is, and switch. Moving calendar items until you get back in the swing of things can be just what your brain needs to get back into the flow.

  • Environment Example: Turning off the music 
  • Mindset Examplet: Use a completely different mantra → I can absolutely do this

What are some things you do to get back in flow?

I need to make a public confession…

I’m not who you think I am.

I’m not Mr. Positive all the time.

I’m not always as excited or engaged as I show in my videos.

I’m quiet and contemplative.

I live in my head most of the time.

I prioritize myself over others.

I spend a lot of my “free time” watching tv and playing on my phone.

I am a recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, and negative thinker.

If I were to write this a few years ago, I would feel overwhelmingly shameful…

…and I would indulge in my depression and anxiety and binge tv and food to avoid feeling the shame, and guilt, and “not good enough-ness.”

After the thought work I’ve been doing for years, some people would expect my life to look completely diffrent–always happy, lose weight, being social and talkative, taking on massive challenges like running a marathon or something.

I don’t pay those people any mind. You know why?

Because I’m the one living my life, not them.

When I say coaching has transformed my life, I’m not kidding or lying.

I have changed and transformed.

As I wrote those first several sentences, I didn’t feel shame or guilt, or any negative emotion at all.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my several years of coaching and working on myself:

  • Watching tv and eating food can be used to buffer from feeling negative emotion; BUT it can also be used for pleasure because I do actually enjoy it.
  • I’m not lazy, I just have different priorities than some.
  • Even though I’m quiet and in my head, my voice and story have power.
  • 100% happiness isn’t the goal nor is it a realistic expectation (aka negative thoughts won’t ever go away completely).
  • Learning to feel, experience, and process a negative emotion vs resisting it, actually makes life easier and more enjoyable. If you are putting a cap on feeling negative emotion, it’s affecting your ability to feel positive emotions deeply as well.
  • There are no rules. Seriously, who made up the expectation checklist of how a person should think/feel/act/etc.? We get to make our own rules. We also can give ourselves permission to break rules that others try to place upon us. We always have the ability to choose, so therefore we always have options.
  • The only thing perfectionism really does is keep you perfectly stuck where you are.
  • Authentic self-confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident all the time. It means you accept yourself and are more curious about self-judgmental thoughts vs flogging yourself.

I feel as if I could go on and on and on with this list.

I publicly confess that I’m imperfect.

I also publicly confess that no matter what happens in my life, I can feel any emotion and have my own back.

What does that mean exactly?

It means that I believe in myself and my ability to work through anything and come out on the other side.

Being confident doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s just being who you are.

If you’ve been waiting for permission to believe in yourself, take this as a sign to give yourself that permission.

Give yourself permission to enjoy life.

Give yourself permission to feel painful emotions.

Give yourself permission to be kind and offer yourself grace.

If this message ressonnated with you, I urge you to leave a comment with a public confession and share all of this with someone you love and respect.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

How to Process an Intense Emotion
in Just 5 Minutes

As introverts, we feel deeply and intensely–sadness, grief, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, overwhelm, anxiety, worthless, unloveable, fear, etc.

No matter the emotion, you don’t have to suffocate under its heaviness. Click below to get get a FREE guided meditation to help lift you out of those tough moments.

You’ll also get the best of Coach With Cam delivered to your inbox weekly. 
You can unsubscribe at any time if it’s not your jam.

Halloween and the Masks We Wear

Happy Halloween, my beautiful friends!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year.

I LOVE all things spooky and have been binging horror tv, movies, and podcasts this season.

My husband shared a podcast recently called Throughline produced by NPR that did an episode on the origins of Halloween.

As we listened, I knew a lot of the information provided (because like I said, it’s my fav). However, there was one tidbit of info I wasn’t aware of…

The LGBTQ+ community helped Halloween become mainstream.

Why did the LGBTQ+ community adopt Halloween as their non-official holiday? (Halloween = “Gay Christmas”)

Because it was the one night a year you could be anything you wanted without judgment.

(Fun Fact: you can thank Elvira Mistress of Darkness for introducing “slutty (I don’t mean this derogatorily) costumes“)

Halloween became the one night a year where everyone wore masks.

If you’ve ever felt like an outsider or that you have to mask parts of yourself to fit in in society, you can imagine how liberating it must have felt!

We all wear masks to hide parts of ourselves.

This is something we do just because we are human.

There is a part of the brain, called the amygdalae, that houses our survival instincts (fight/flight/freeze).

It is also responsible for survival motivation–we in the biz like to call this, the motivational triad.

Essentially this means, this part of the brain has three main functions:

  • Avoid Pain
  • Seek Pleasure
  • Be Efficient/Conserve Energy

We naturally fear the judgment of others (aka avoid pain) because back in our primal days, if we were cast out of the tribe, it meant death.

Alone, you couldn’t survive. You needed the tribe’s knowledge and help with hunting and gathering, and defending against predators.

Talk about peer pressure!!

Even though we no longer have the same concerns that our primal ancestors had, this part of the brain hasn’t evolved past that.

Because of this, we put on masks to try and protect ourselves and fit in.

How would your life be different if you didn’t wear a mask around others?

If you could accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, set appropriate boundaries, and just live freely, how would you think differently about yourself and the world? How would you feel? How would you act?

Seriously, close your eyes and take a few minutes to visualize this.

What adventures would you go on? What would you try if you weren’t afraid of how you would be perceived if you failed?

This time of year is traditionally known as the time to harvest, prep for winter, and death/rest.

But I like to look at this time of year as a time to reflect on growth from the past year AND dream of the possibility of my future.

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the ability to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and mind and dream of possibilities.

What mask(s) are you ready to shed and who are you ready to become?

I thank our LGBTQ+ predecessors for their willingness to live authentically and turn wearing masks to hide on its head.


If this is an area of your life that you want to work on, I would be honored to work with you on it. This is the main area of my coaching practice because I’ve been through this journey and come out on the other side. Book your free consultation here.

“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”

— Cameron Nichols

Looks can be deceiving…and so can your goals.

Looks can be deceiving….so can our ideas–especially when we’re passionate about a project, plan, etc.

Honestly, it can be totally exhausting to plan everything, envision how it will be during and after, and then BOOM.

It doesn’t go the way we expected.

Over the last six weeks, I’ve been co-facilitating a course on confidence working with a small group of people.

One of the people in the group came to class the other night (week 3 at the time I’m writing this), and said their mind and all their plans are blowing up (aka not happening as they envisioned).

They felt defeated and that nothing was working out for them.

Here’s a high-level overview of the situation:
● Planned presentation for potential business partner that would significantly boost their business.
● Potential business partner loved the idea but didn’t have time to take on the scope of this new project. IT WAS A NO.
● However, they are part of a larger organization that could benefit from the partnership; and the potential business partner wants to take it to the decision-makers of the organization at large.

As we discussed how everything played out, it was interesting to watch this person’s perspective shift.

As it turns out, their plan was validated and encouraged; however, the timing is just off. AND it turns out, by not being the right time, it gives their plan even more exposure and possibility.

What it came down to, was that the look and idea in this person’s head didn’t play out how they envisioned so they felt terrible.

But because their conscious focus was on feeling defeated and terrible, they didn’t see the future possibility or the actions they could take on their own while waiting.

When we set our mind on a goal, we think we know exactly how the journey will go and the outcome we will receive.

But in most cases, the journey looks nothing like we envisioned.

This doesn’t mean we don’t receive the same outcome or result (or an even better one!).

But the HOW we get there just isn’t what we thought.

When we can take a step back, the steps of HOW we get there aren’t that important because it’s the outcome or result that we really want.

Be unwavering in the result/outcome you want, but be open to how you actually get there.

This is the key to success.

A lot of the time, the result/outcome ends up being better or sweeter than we originally intended.

It’s basically Darwinism (evolution–survival of the fittest) for the modern-day–the more adaptable and resilient you become, there isn’t any goal you can’t accomplish.

Again, stay focused on the result/outcome, but adapt along the way in how to get there.

Does this mean it will happen in the timeframe we want–not necessarily.

But if you’re after the result/outcome, does time really matter?

How to Process an Intense Emotion
in Just 5 Minutes

As introverts, we feel deeply and intensely–sadness, grief, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, overwhelm, anxiety, worthless, unloveable, fear, etc.

No matter the emotion, you don’t have to suffocate under its heaviness. Click below to get get a FREE guided meditation to help lift you out of those tough moments.

You’ll also get the best of Coach With Cam delivered to your inbox weekly. 
You can unsubscribe at any time if it’s not your jam.

What do freezing temps and introverts have in common?

This past week in Utah has been COLD.

It got down to freezing temperature.

What do people who are cold do?

Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.

From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.

Why?

Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions:
1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort
2. Seek Pleasure
3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient

So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.

This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.

If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.

There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.

As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?

There is a time and place for this, for sure.

However, this can also be to our detriment.

We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.

Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!


If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.

What Is Your Insecurity Stopping You From Doing?

As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.

When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.

We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like:
● “I’m not good enough”
● “I can’t do that”
● “I’m not normal”
● “They know more than I do”
● “I don’t know what I’m doing”
● “Nobody cares about me”
● Etc.

Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.

Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).

We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from:
● going after that promotion
● making friends and/or meaningful relationships
● going after our dream job
● building the life we truly want for ourselves
● speaking up and stating our opinion
● etc.

What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?

What have they stopped you from being or becoming?

You are so much more capable than you realize.

You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…

…you just may need some help accessing it.

This is where I come in.

There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.

Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.

Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.

You’re one step away from changing your entire life.

I need your help and want your insight…

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.

Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.

I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:

  • Imposter syndrome
  • Social Anxiety
  • Fear of judgement and/or failure
  • Overthinking
  • Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
  • Fear or disappointing others
  • Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
  • Not living up to your own standards
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
  • FOMO
  • Feeling like you’re always a step behind
  • Perfectionism
  • People Pleasing
  • Thinking other people know better
  • Need for external validation or permission
  • Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
  • Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
  • Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
  • Etc.

Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you:

THANK YOU!!!

The Success Method

How long have you been working on your goals…and they just stay that, goals?

The reason that your goals aren’t becoming accomplishments faster isn’t that you don’t have a sensational work ethic; it’s because your work ethic isn’t being put to use in the most efficient way.

You’re following society’s method for success instead of the real method for success. 

This success mindset is the one way that I have used to build my businesses from scratch.

I got laid off from my company and was able to become a full-time coach INSTANTLY! 

I’m not special snowflake, I just know what makes successful businesses. 

I’ll give you a hint…it’s not how many hours I work; its not my personal or professional background; it wasn’t my certification (I got certified after I had started my business); and it’s not because I won the lottery. 

It’s my mindset.

There are SO many TALENTED, PASSIONATE, and BRILLANT humans that have fantastic ideas.

Their problem is that they’re following society’s prescribed “success” method (DO → HAVE  → BE) instead of the real method to success (BE → DO → HAVE). 

Let’s say someone is trying to get their goal off of the ground to be successful. 

They’re doing a bunch of work, throwing money at their goals, talking with people, and maybe investing time in trainings (which is WONDERFUL btw!).

The problem is they are just DOING a bunch of things to see if something will stick; in hopes they might HAVE their goal accomplished and then they will BE “successful”.

Why? Because they are looking for their goal to GIVE them the feeling of success!

Even if they were DOING all the right things, they are seeking success outside of themselves and that always makes things murky. 


If someone were trying to run a marathon so they can cross the finish line to be successful, it takes A WHOLE lot of willpower which is short lasted and will never motivate you long term (or at least it’s a LOT harder to get there and try to maintain).

The better way to view your mindset is to already FEEL successful starting out.

Remember, energy goes where intention flows.

What your brain looks for you will find evidence for.

If you are looking for evidence that you were successful every single day then you will find evidence for it!

If you’re looking for reasons that XYZ is really hard then you are going to find evidence that whatever goal you have is really hard. 

You’ll be blaming or looking for external circumstances to give you your desired feelings. And that’s what we call external motivation instead of internal motivation.


Imagine you’ve never trained for a marathon before and you have no evidence of prior success to look at that you are successful as you train.

Did you stay hydrated? Did you get a lot of sleep? Did you go on your practice runs?

Once you view yourself as successful you’ll start doing the right things → eating well, staying hydrated, sleeping well, going on your runs, etc.

And guess what?

It’s going to be a hell of a lot easier then if you just tried to muscle your way through it (if you don’t collapse during the run that is).

Doing the right things will be EASIER.

Then your goal can be accomplished and you’ll continue to set yourself up for success with anything else that you achieve!


Again, society teaches us that you have to do certain things, in order to have what you want, in order to be something.

 In reality you have to become the kind of person who does the right things to have what you want!

 This is called the Be-Do-Have Philosophy and it is literally how I was able to able to start coaching full time, coach with 50+ people, and start my business without skipping a beat after being laid off. 

I had the audacity to believe that I could just make it work and figure things out along the way.

My end results were and are inevitable.


My friends, have some audacious beliefs and go create whatever the hell it is that you secretly crave to create!

If you want some help with your success, goals, and/or mindset, schedule your free call and let’s get started on figuring out what’s been holding you back and how to move forward to accomplish whatever end result you want.