Do you tend to have really high expectations for yourself?
Sometimes they are so high it overwhelms you–you start to get anxiety about messing up, not showing up the way you want to, envisioning all the ways it could go wrong, or thinking about what everyone else is thinking.
Are you exhausted just reading that last bit? I’m exhausted just from typing it!
At what point do you just get to be a messy, imperfect, amazing-as-you-are human?
You put so much pressure on yourself and it’s not necessary. Sometimes you just need to recognize where you’re at and intentionally adjust your expectations–of yourself, of others, of the outcome, of the journey.
What would your life be like if you just got to wake up and give yourself whatever you need as each moment arises?
My weekend experience…
I had a very busy week and weekend last week. On Saturday alone, I had a birthday party and a holiday party–both of which I had been looking forward to. But when I woke up on Saturday, I was worn out and exhausted. I had had social engagements Thursday and Friday as well and was having a ton of anxiety of how I would show up to the two parties.
After the birthday party, I was done. Yes, I wanted to see all my friends at the holiday party (some of whom I hadn’t seen in a year!) but I was ready to go home.
I decided to ignore what I needed and go to the holiday party. I didn’t show up the way I wanted to. I still enjoyed seeing my friends but all my interactions were riddled with anxiety. About every 30 min or so, I would be so overwhelmed by the noise/people/energy/anxiety I would step out on the porch to get some quiet alone time.
After about two hours, my nervous system was on high alert and completely frazzled. I decided to go sit in the car and do some breathing exercises (yay for tools!). I don’t know when, but I fell asleep and the next thing I know my husband is tapping on the car window. He went back in, grabbed our stuff, said goodbye for both of us (I was still half asleep in the car), and we went home.
At first, I wanted to beat myself up hardcore for not saying goodbye, ditching out on the party so many times to sit on the porch or in the car, and just not showing up the way I envisioned.
I purposefully decided not to address this with my friends. Not from a place of shame or disappointment, but from a place of compassion for myself. I realized I had stepped out on the porch and then sat in the car to give myself what I needed in that moment. Why on earth should I apologize or justify that to others? Especially my loved ones! And to be honest, I doubt anyone really noticed or took issue with it.
Failure and Success
I tell you this story because I want to be an example–of both failure and success. When planning my socializing, I knew I shouldn’t have made as many plans in one week as I did. I knew it would take a toll on my energy. This was a failure on my part. Not coming up with an alternate plan of just stopping by the holiday party to see everyone and give hugs and then leave, was a failure.
Even though there was failure, there was also success–sitting on the porch, breathing in the car. I had to adjust my expectations of myself multiple times throughout the night. If I hadn’t, I would probably be laying in bed, under the covers, shaming myself, and then further shaming myself for shaming myself (it’s a vicious cycle!).
At any given moment, you can tune into what you need and choose to give it to yourself. Give yourself permission to care for yourself and release the expectation you have for yourself, others, etc. It’s not always about how you show up for people or events, it’s about how you show up for yourself–especially when it doesn’t match the expectation you have for yourself.
If you’re the kind of person who is beating yourself up all the time, schedule a connection call with me, and let’s talk about how to integrate more compassion for yourself. When you learn how to do this, you form deeper self-trust and give yourself more of what you need without shame and guilt, which allows you to live with more contentment, adventure, and peace.