Something I have struggled with, and that I see my clients struggling with, is this fantasy that our personalities are all-or-nothing. What I mean by this is that we don’t want to allow ourselves to be complex multidimensional beings. Ex. We’re either always committed or we’re lazy and terrible. Who put this bullsh*t rule into play?
Especially this month as people focus on resolutions and goals for 2022, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others and believe they have it all figured out. The truth is, no one has it ‘all figured out.’ Even the people you compare yourself to or look up to are not in a constant mindset of successful or motivated thinking.
What I want to offer you is that sometimes you will feel motivated and like you’re going to crush your goals; other times you may feel tired or overwhelmed. One day you may feel excited; while the next you feel apathetic. I’m here to tell you THAT’S NORMAL!
Even if you feel lazy, apathetic, or [insert whatever negative emotion you want here], IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.
You are separate from your thoughts.
I invite you to start looking at the beautiful paradox that you are. You as a human, encompass opposing characteristics and personality traits. Embrace ALL of them.
List out all the characteristics, descriptors, and common emotions that make up your personality–for even more fun, write or overlay on a photo of yourself 😊. Below is my own personal example:
Hello, my beautiful friends! I hope you all survived and thrived throughout the holiday season and are ready to step into 2022. Just a heads up this week’s message maybe a little longer than normal, but I promise it’s worth the read.
My feelings about December
Similar to some of you, I have separated myself from my religious upbringing. I don’t believe in the same concepts that were taught to me. And because I love all things witchy, I’ve done a lot of research on paganism and holiday traditions. So when I think of Christmas (and a few other holidays), I upset myself thinking of the persecution some of our ancestors went through that changed the meaning of these sacred holidays into what they are known for today. Let’s just say I know I have some work to do in this area around puritans and the crusades.
*Also, a part of the irony in this is that I am also a descendent of the original Santa Clause/St. Nicholas (according to an old family history book)–this is how I like to justify my physical stature (belly and beard )😂.
Additionally, as you saw a few weeks ago, I have a December birthday. Most December babies I’ve talked to dislike December–myself included. To give some additional context, 4/5 members of my immediate family growing up have birthdays in December. If I calculate birthdays for them and for grandparents, cousins, friends, holiday parties, etc. there could LITERALLY be some type of celebratory event every day of the month. As an introvert and homebody, this is what we call a NIGHTMARE!
As soon as I saw December approaching on the calendar, I started thinking of the nightmare that it would be. Even though COVID changed how people get together and celebrate, and there wouldn’t be as many events as there were in the past, the idea of it all was still terrible. Especially when I thought about figuring out how to take time off to unplug and relax.
Lead Into the Holidays
So I decided to really hone in on my calendar and work extra hard so I could take the 16th (my birthday) and the 31st (NYE) off, but still get everything done. What I really wanted to do was to take the last two weeks of the year off completely, but didn’t feel like it was realistic (yup, I turned that thought into reality). So I worked 11+ hour days M-F, and 4+ hours on Saturday, and slept most of Sunday. All of this so I could have two days off. WTF, right?!
It was about mid/end-week after I had been coaching on my schedule and calendar for a couple weeks that I decided to take back some more control. I made the choice to cancel my personal clients for the last two weeks of the year so I could focus on business planning for 2022–and my best ideas come when I’m giving myself space to just sit and think.
Even though I had canceled my personal clients, I was still coaching clients a few hours a day for my contract gig and doing some other work in my business. No problems. However, as Christmas day approached, my thoughts grew more negative (yep, those damn puritans get me every time). I’m still lucky enough to have family members and loved ones around to celebrate with, which you think would make me look forward to the day. But even though I love seeing my family, I’m still an introvert and homebody at heart.
New Year’s Week
The Sunday after Christmas I woke up with a sore throat and was tired. No biggie; thought I slept with my mouth open or something. Took it easy and went to bed early. Monday morning, I wake up and my throat felt raw like it was peeled with a potato peeler. And my uvula was so swollen that it made swallowing and talking painful–like to the point where I couldn’t talk without making awkward painful cringy faces several times a minute.
As a homebody, I hadn’t been anywhere for potential exposure except for Christmas celebrations with my family. When I woke up sick, I immediately wanted to find someone to blame. I then found out that no one from my family had been sick, and someone pointed out to me that I may have just run myself out. Now, because it was my fault that I was sick, my mentality and mind management started to pick up speed…in the downhill direction!
On top of feeling terrible both physically and mentally, I had coaching clients booked through my contract gig that I needed to find coverage for or cancel. This was a first for me so my brain went NUTS:
“You’re just being dramatic. You should be able to push through. Your colleagues are going to judge you because it’s right after Christmas and the week of New Year’s. You’re letting everyone down. You can’t handle your own shit. They’ll think so much less of you now.All the time I spent stressing and crafting my schedule was a complete waste! Merry f*cking Christmas to me. If this lasts for more than a couple days, I’m f*cked.”
Thoughts like this continued and escalated throughout the week. And as you can assume, none of them were helpful. I totally fell into the pit of victimhood–“Pity Party for one, please” 🙋🏼♂️ I got the coverage for several appointments and had to cancel several others. The feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment were so heavy and intense–on top of everything else I had been feeling about the holiday season!
I hadn’t felt like that in such a long time. And even though I slept the majority of the week (12+ hours a night and several 1-5 hour naps during the day), it was probably the second or third worst week of 2021 for me.
The first several days of the week, I was completely unaware of what my brain was doing. I believed every thought it presented to me. About mid-week, I started to catch on but still didn’t feel like I had it in me to challenge my narrative or try to think differently. I discovered I didn’t want to–I just wanted to be consumed and isolated by it. It was at this point I realized I had been resisting feeling these negative emotions by thinking “I don’t like this and I shouldn’t feel this way.” Then I asked myself two powerful questions:
Of course I felt sh*tty! I was physically ill and had things I needed to figure out. My carefully planned schedule was completely blown to smithereens! And what if that was okay?
Now that I allowed myself to feel sh*tty about my perceived reality, guess what happened? Those negative feelings didn’t feel as heavy. I was now in a mental place where I could talk to myself in a much less intensely negative way AND in a way that wasn’t black & white or all-or-nothing. And this is what I practiced for a few hours (previously, this would have been DAYS)–meaning, a negative thought would naturally come up (like they do), and instead of immediately believing it, I started talking to it like I would if it were one of my sons or nieces or nephews.
1. Our brains will offer up old thoughts we’ve had before – WE DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE THEM.
2. Physical illness sucks, but it’s best used as information–what is your body trying to tell you?
3. Remember, when things don’t go your way or go as planned, it wasn’t meant to happen that way–AND THAT’S OKAY.
4. Confidence is having your own back. However, sometimes having your own back means disappointing others. Sometimes it means asking for help. Sometimes it sounds like “no.” Most often it’s not loud or showy, it’s quiet and intentional.
At first, I was nervous to share this intense behind-the-scenes view of my mind. But then when I started to see my lessons learned, I knew there would be others that could benefit. AND I absolutely am not and don’t want to be the kind of coach or person that only posts positive life highlights. The truth is, self-development isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s stormy, wind-torn, muddy, etc. But when you learn how to navigate the storm, you also learn how to embrace the intensity of a single sunray and build upon it until the rainbow appears.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. Thank you for not being perfect. Thank you for not hiding your pain. Thank you for reaching out for help. Thank you for every minute of trying–whether it’s easy or hard. Thank you for being you. 🧡
In the USA, we recently celebrated Thanksgiving. To be honest, I have many mixed emotions when it comes to this celebratory traditional holiday. But we’ll save that for a different time and different place.
But you know those moments when you’re sad, depressed, angry, or annoyed and you just don’t want to be thankful? We’ve all been there at some point, right?
For me, it’s when I’m at a big group event and I feel trapped like I can’t go home or find a spot to be in silence with myself. #introvertproblems
First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with being in that headspace. If you want to feel a certain emotion when other people are telling you that you should be thankful, feel whatever you want.
But if you notice the negative emotion, acknowledge it, and have a desire to shift or transform it into gratitude or thankfulness, it’s totally an option. You don’t have to stay where you are currently at.
How to Start Shifting
Don’t Resist Negative Emotion
The trick to making the shift is not rejecting your current negative emotion. Sit with it. Allow it to just be there with you like another passenger on a bus. Get curious. Emotions are just vibrations in the body created because of a sentence in our mind. Emotions = Information.
If you try to thought-swap (swapping a negative thought and emotion with a positive one), the negative one will win. What we resist, persists. If you can’t learn to notice, acknowledge, and allow a negative emotion, you won’t get the results you want. You and your brain are too smart to make the jump from “I hate this” to “I love this”.
You don’t need to make a grand gesture or feel immense gratitude. Start small.
Actionable Items to Help You Make The Shift
Find one thing (wherever you are) that you find pretty or appealing
Give someone a compliment (but be genuine though)
Answer this question about yourself: “What small thing are you proud of?” (it could even be as simple getting out of bed because you didn’t want to, or even asking yourself this question!)
Do something you enjoy–listen to music, eat a treat and focus on how much you love the taste, etc.
Making Gratitude a Daily Practice
If you want to have an overall better quality of life, having some kind of daily gratitude practice is a fantastic starting point! The list above and the list below are only a few things you could do, so get creative and find what works for you.
Start a gratitude journal–it doesn’t matter if you write a page or a few bullet points
Get outside everyday and appreciate the nature that is around you
Practice mindfulness–I love to do this in the shower, brushing my teeth, and even cooking
Create the habit of waving to people and cars you passby in the neighborhood
Give a genuine compliment a day
Send a thank you card or text message to someone who’s made an impact in your life (whether recent or not)
The Hard Truth
Some days, practicing gratitude can be difficult. Some days are easier than others. Some feel like the world has gone to hell. This is how life is supposed to be. You can’t control everything and everyone around you, but you can control yourself.
Be okay with flowing between the good and the bad. Practice gratitude, and make it easy on yourself instead of a chore you have to do. If you miss a day, a week, a month…not a big deal! Just pick it up again. You didn’t fail. You didn’t do it wrong. You just went with the flow of life.
If it starts to get overwhelming, scale back. What would make practicing gratitude easier for you? What would make it a fun or enjoyable experience?
Take It To The Next Level
If you want to take this to the next level, come join me as I co-facilitate a new 6-week course called (Sub)conscious Confidence. We teach you how your subconscious and conscious mind interact and how you can hack it so they work for you instead of again you–like you’ve unconsciously programmed them to do!
We’ll give you the knowledge, tools, AND practical application so you walk away with transformation.We value this course at $3,000; but because it’s our second round and we want to teach as many people as possible, we’re giving it out for only $300!
Check out CoachWithCam.com/upcomingevents to get more details, watch some video testimonials, and register. We begin on December 7th, so don’t wait too long!
I’m not always as excited or engaged as I show in my videos.
I’m quiet and contemplative.
I live in my head most of the time.
I prioritize myself over others.
I spend a lot of my “free time” watching tv and playing on my phone.
I am a recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, and negative thinker.
If I were to write this a few years ago, I would feel overwhelmingly shameful…
…and I would indulge in my depression and anxiety and binge tv and food to avoid feeling the shame, and guilt, and “not good enough-ness.”
After the thought work I’ve been doing for years, some people would expect my life to look completely diffrent–always happy, lose weight, being social and talkative, taking on massive challenges like running a marathon or something.
I don’t pay those people any mind. You know why?
Because I’m the one living my life, not them.
When I say coaching has transformed my life, I’m not kidding or lying.
I have changed and transformed.
As I wrote those first several sentences, I didn’t feel shame or guilt, or any negative emotion at all.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my several years of coaching and working on myself:
Watching tv and eating food can be used to buffer from feeling negative emotion; BUT it can also be used for pleasure because I do actually enjoy it.
I’m not lazy, I just have different priorities than some.
Even though I’m quiet and in my head, my voice and story have power.
100% happiness isn’t the goal nor is it a realistic expectation (aka negative thoughts won’t ever go away completely).
Learning to feel, experience, and process a negative emotion vs resisting it, actually makes life easier and more enjoyable. If you are putting a cap on feeling negative emotion, it’s affecting your ability to feel positive emotions deeply as well.
There are no rules. Seriously, who made up the expectation checklist of how a person should think/feel/act/etc.? We get to make our own rules. We also can give ourselves permission to break rules that others try to place upon us. We always have the ability to choose, so therefore we always have options.
The only thing perfectionism really does is keep you perfectly stuck where you are.
Authentic self-confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident all the time. It means you accept yourself and are more curious about self-judgmental thoughts vs flogging yourself.
I feel as if I could go on and on and on with this list.
I publicly confess that I’m imperfect.
I also publicly confess that no matter what happens in my life, I can feel any emotion and have my own back.
What does that mean exactly?
It means that I believe in myself and my ability to work through anything and come out on the other side.
Being confident doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s just being who you are.
If you’ve been waiting for permission to believe in yourself, take this as a sign to give yourself that permission.
Give yourself permission to enjoy life.
Give yourself permission to feel painful emotions.
Give yourself permission to be kind and offer yourself grace.
If this message ressonnated with you, I urge you to leave a comment with a public confession and share all of this with someone you love and respect.
“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”
— Cameron Nichols
How to Process an Intense Emotion in Just 5 Minutes
As introverts, we feel deeply and intensely–sadness, grief, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, overwhelm, anxiety, worthless, unloveable, fear, etc.
No matter the emotion, you don’t have to suffocate under its heaviness. Click below to get get a FREE guided meditation to help lift you out of those tough moments.
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year.
I LOVE all things spooky and have been binging horror tv, movies, and podcasts this season.
My husband shared a podcast recently called Throughline produced by NPR that did an episode on the origins of Halloween.
As we listened, I knew a lot of the information provided (because like I said, it’s my fav). However, there was one tidbit of info I wasn’t aware of…
The LGBTQ+ community helped Halloween become mainstream.
Why did the LGBTQ+ community adopt Halloween as their non-official holiday? (Halloween = “Gay Christmas”)
Because it was the one night a year you could be anything you wanted without judgment.
(Fun Fact: you can thank Elvira Mistress of Darkness for introducing “slutty (I don’t mean this derogatorily) costumes“)
Halloween became the one night a year where everyone wore masks.
If you’ve ever felt like an outsider or that you have to mask parts of yourself to fit in in society, you can imagine how liberating it must have felt!
We all wear masks to hide parts of ourselves.
This is something we do just because we are human.
There is a part of the brain, called the amygdalae, that houses our survival instincts (fight/flight/freeze).
It is also responsible for survival motivation–we in the biz like to call this, the motivational triad.
Essentially this means, this part of the brain has three main functions:
Be Efficient/Conserve Energy
We naturally fear the judgment of others (aka avoid pain) because back in our primal days, if we were cast out of the tribe, it meant death.
Alone, you couldn’t survive. You needed the tribe’s knowledge and help with hunting and gathering, and defending against predators.
Talk about peer pressure!!
Even though we no longer have the same concerns that our primal ancestors had, this part of the brain hasn’t evolved past that.
Because of this, we put on masks to try and protect ourselves and fit in.
How would your life be different if you didn’t wear a mask around others?
If you could accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, set appropriate boundaries, and just live freely, how would you think differently about yourself and the world? How would you feel? How would you act?
Seriously, close your eyes and take a few minutes to visualize this.
What adventures would you go on? What would you try if you weren’t afraid of how you would be perceived if you failed?
This time of year is traditionally known as the time to harvest, prep for winter, and death/rest.
But I like to look at this time of year as a time to reflect on growth from the past year AND dream of the possibility of my future.
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the ability to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and mind and dream of possibilities.
What mask(s) are you ready to shed and who are you ready to become?
I thank our LGBTQ+ predecessors for their willingness to live authentically and turn wearing masks to hide on its head.
If this is an area of your life that you want to work on, I would be honored to work with you on it. This is the main area of my coaching practice because I’ve been through this journey and come out on the other side. Book your free consultation here.
“CHANGE HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD, THEN GO OUT AND CHANGE THE WORLD!”
Put on a ton of layers, wrap themselves tight in the warmest blanket they can find, and get into their comfort zone.
From a psychological level, all humans gravitate towards our comfort zones.
Well, there is a part of your brain that has three sole functions: 1. Avoid Pain/Discomfort 2. Seek Pleasure 3. Conserve Energy/Be Efficient
So when it’s cold or we are in any kind of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual discomfort, our brain guides us to find comfort; which we find pleasurable (or at least more so than discomfort), and conserves energy by being efficient and doing the easiest thing possible.
This is why we tend to stay within our comfort zones.
If you have a human brain, you do this. However, a lot of introverts do this on a hyper level.
There are a ton of different kinds of introverts with different personality traits and different ways of processing. However, a lot of introverts tend to process thoughts and emotions internally vs externally. Again, not all, but a lot.
As an internal processing introvert, I wrap myself up in layers and layers of comfort zone. Can you relate?
There is a time and place for this, for sure.
However, this can also be to our detriment.
We stop trying new things. We stop connecting with people. We stop exploring everything the world has to offer us.
Here is my challenge to you: Consciously choose to take a step outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn’t need to be big, but it should feel different and slightly uncomfortable. By doing this, you’re stepping into your growth zone–and this is where MAGIC HAPPENS!
If you want support in expanding your comfort and growth zones with less self-judgment and doubt, schedule your free session with me and let’s start on this exciting journey of learning to love, trust, and value yourself while also stretching yourself in a world geared towards extroverts.
As we grow up, as humans do, we unconsciously take on thoughts and beliefs that others offer up to us.
When we were bullied, abused, neglected, told we’re different…we unconsciously made those things mean something about ourselves.
We unknowingly create insecurities for ourselves that sounds like: ● “I’m not good enough” ● “I can’t do that” ● “I’m not normal” ● “They know more than I do” ● “I don’t know what I’m doing” ● “Nobody cares about me” ● Etc.
Then those thoughts repeat in our minds for 20, 30, 40+ years…each time making those beliefs stronger.
Then one day something happens…a major life event/epiphany/etc., and we realize these insecurities have become our own mental prison (which we usually then beat ourselves up for…you know, because we “should have” realized it sooner).
We wake up to find life is passing us by and we’ve been so afraid but can now see how our insecurities have held us back from: ● going after that promotion ● making friends and/or meaningful relationships ● going after our dream job ● building the life we truly want for ourselves ● speaking up and stating our opinion ● etc.
What have your insecurities stopped you from doing?
What have they stopped you from being or becoming?
You are so much more capable than you realize.
You already have everything you need to succeed within you already…
…you just may need some help accessing it.
This is where I come in.
There has always been negativity in the world and negative feelings, but we don’t have to add more of it onto ourselves.
Life coaching has changed and continues to change my life.
Answer the questions I posed above and start focusing your mind on possibility–who you want to be and what you want to create.
You’re one step away from changing your entire life.
I need your help and want your insight…
First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my content. I genuinely hope you find it useful, informative, thought provoking, and helps you see that you are not alone in this journey we call life.
Second, I have some open spots in my practice and am taking on new clients. If you’re an introvert who recognizes that your self-judgement, doubt, and insecurity are keeping you from building relationships/getting that promotion/meeting new people/going after your dream or passion/feeling loveable and worthy/enjoying your homebody lifestyle, I want to talk to you. We live in a world geared towards extroverts and we take on programming that something is wrong with us because we don’t function like “normal people.” I can help. If you don’t fall into this category, please forward this post or any of my free resources (including social media) to them.
I’m gearing up for 2022 and will only be taking on a total of 20 clients MAX. My program is 10 months where we meet weekly to help you overcome any/all of the following so you can live your best introverted life in an extroverted world:
Fear of judgement and/or failure
Managing others’ expectations and/or emotions
Fear or disappointing others
Having a ton of goals, but never accomplishing any of them
Not living up to your own standards
Comparing yourself to others
Feeling unfulfilled or purposeless
Feeling like you’re always a step behind
Thinking other people know better
Need for external validation or permission
Feeling like a bad friend because you don’t stay in touch
Fear of stating your own opinions or needs because it could potentially cause conflict
Overwhelm (aka decision fatigue)
Third, I would LOVE your insight into when you or those you know/love prefer to receive/read posts/emails like these. My goal is help you make your life easier and timing can be crucial. If you’re willing, please answer the two questions below so I can help get you info/insight when it’s best for you: