Do you remember playing hide and seek as a kid?
I used to LOVE it! I was in gymnastics and was petit in my younger years so I could squeeze into strange places–laundry baskets, inside a cupboard or armoir, between furniture and the wall, etc.
It was fun to be chased and looked for. I felt so smug and smart while at the same time a little naughty because of the risk.
The part I didn’t’ like was the seeking.
Every time I was the seeker, I felt alone, unsure, dumb, and even vulnerable (which I realize is ironic given the fact that everyone else was hiding from ME).
Why am I telling you about how I felt during childhood games? Because the last few weeks I got to clearly see how I played both roles in my current life, with myself which I hope helps you do the same.
If you think about it, coaching and all forms of self-development are like a game of hide and seek.
Things happen throughout our lives and we feel the need to hide. Other times when things happen, we desire to seek.
We hide for protection, and we seek for progress.
Here’s What Happened
Several weeks ago, I had to call my mom to ask about some medications I took as a kid (I was looking into changing up my anxiety meds).
Thankfully my mom is pretty well organized and had all my childhood medical files stored in her filing cabinet. (thanks, mom!)
This past week, I finally dug into the folder to see everything that was in there. There were notes about surgeries, specialized check-ups, and even notes from my childhood therapy sessions.
Being in the mental health field, I was particularly curious to see what the therapist notes had to say.
→→→Something I should note is that for my entire adult life, I don’t remember a lot of things about my childhood. After going through some major trauma in my late teens (navigating being gay and LDS and living on my own for the first time), many things from that time and before are blocked from my memory. Over the years, I learn new information and my brain floods with memories and images.
Let’s just say from a neutral place of now reading back over some of the notes (the ones where the handwriting was legible anyway) was heartbreaking.
As it turns out, I was a SUPER NEGATIVE kid. I could never be satisfied. Constant tantrums and dismay.
Everything was boring or a chore. I didn’t really have any friends. There weren’t things I really liked to do (and trust me, my parents REALLY TRIED to help me figure that out).
I’m not always great at giving credit to myself, but as I read these notes, I started to connect the dots of how I used to be vs how I am now, and truly acknowledge how far I have come in my own journey.
Overall, my close friends, family, and I would agree that I’ve become a pretty positive person over the years.
I used to think that becoming more positive was just something that evolved as I got older and started to make friends.
But the reality was I did the work. I had to SEEK IT OUT on purpose.
Life and our developmental progress or lessons are not linear.
It’s more like a spiral.
We continue to revisit the same lessons over and over but each time we gain a little more perspective and/or a deeper understanding.
The one person we should never have to hide from is ourselves. But the truth is, as humans, we do hide.
But at some point in our lives, in order to gain more of the happiness we want, we need to seek.
We are constantly playing a game of hide and seek from OURSELVES.
There are times in our lives where hiding is needed to protect ourselves. But most of the time we should really be seeking.
Our primitive brain cannot tell the difference between potential physical danger and potential emotional danger–to the primitive brain, it’s all a predator that is going to kill us.
This is where coaching comes in. As certified coaches, we’re trained to help you seek in a way that feels safe.
If you want to feel better, stop hiding, start seeking, and keep walking that spiral path we call life.
P.S. If you didn’t see my social media post on Friday about the 3 Steps to Create Positive Change, check it out below. Figure out which of the steps you are stuck on so you can progress and start feeling better.
P.P.S. If you’re ready to stop hiding and start seeking, schedule you’re complimentary consultation call.